50+ Funny Joke Quotes That Will Keep You Laughing Nonstop

New funny joke quotes

• Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

• Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

• Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

• Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

• Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

• Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

• Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

• “I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

• Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

• Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Top funny joke quotes

• Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

• Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

• The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

• Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

• Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

• I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

• I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

• I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

• I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

• Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Popular funny joke quotes

• Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

• Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

• “You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

• Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

• I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

• Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

• First World War. Kind of nervous.

• Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

• “I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

• “I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

More funny joke quotes

• You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

• Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

• If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

• It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

• Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

• Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

• Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

• Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

• My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

• Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Witty joke quotes

• You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

• Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

• If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

• Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

• The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

• My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

• Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

• If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

• Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

• Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Funny joke quotes prove that laughter really is the best medicine 💊😂. A simple joke can turn a bad day around 🌧️, spark a conversation 🗨️, or make a room burst into laughter 🤣. These witty lines remind us to embrace the lighter side of life 🌤️ and to never underestimate the power of a perfectly timed punchline 🥊. Keep these jokes handy 📱, share them with friends 👯‍♀️, and let the good vibes roll 🚀 — because the world can always use a bit more laughter! 😄