1624 funny joke quotes - Wordgag

Farted in yoga, and the instructor called it a powerful release.

May 31, 2026May 31, 2026

I’m trying to be less condescending. I bet you don’t even know what that means.

May 30, 2026May 30, 2026

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

May 30, 2026

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

May 30, 2026

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

May 30, 2026

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

May 30, 2026

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

May 30, 2026

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

May 30, 2026

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

May 30, 2026

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

May 30, 2026

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

May 30, 2026

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

May 30, 2026

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

May 30, 2026

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

May 30, 2026

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

May 30, 2026

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

May 30, 2026

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

May 30, 2026

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

May 30, 2026

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

May 30, 2026

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

May 30, 2026

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

May 30, 2026

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

May 30, 2026

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

May 30, 2026

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

May 30, 2026

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

May 30, 2026

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

May 30, 2026

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

May 30, 2026

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

May 30, 2026

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

May 30, 2026

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

May 30, 2026

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

May 30, 2026

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

May 30, 2026

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

May 30, 2026

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

May 30, 2026

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

May 30, 2026

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

May 30, 2026

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

May 30, 2026

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

May 30, 2026

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

May 30, 2026

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

May 30, 2026