New funny me quotes

• I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

• Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

• You can’t spell disappointment without me.

• My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

• I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

• So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

• I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

• My parents think they know me.

• I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

• So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Top funny me quotes

• A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

• It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

• The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

• My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

• Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

• Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

• Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

• You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

• “Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

• Math is like Chinese to me.

Popular funny me quotes

• Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

• Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

• Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

• Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

• Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

• Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

• I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

• I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

• I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

• I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

More funny me quotes

• Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

• I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

• Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

• If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

• The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

• Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

• Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

• When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

• I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

• Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Witty me quotes

• I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

• Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

• Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

• I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

• Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

• I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

• Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

• Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

• If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Funny me quotes remind us that self-love ❤️ often comes with a healthy dose of self-mockery 😂. Laughing at our own chaos 🎢, weird habits 🤷‍♂️, and dramatic overreactions 🎭 keeps life light and fun 🌞. These quotes are perfect for sharing with friends who know your true level of extra 🙃 or for those moments when you just need a good laugh at yourself 😆. Because let’s face it — me is always a work in progress, and that’s what makes it so entertaining 🤪.