Commentary:
Looks like someone just discovered the magical art of giving a taste of their own medicine! 👩⚖️🔄👨⚖️💥
2116 Funny me quotes
Don’t let anyone talk you out of that once-in-a-lifetime 2K Thailand trip. Trust me, that 5K will be the best 10K you’ve ever spent.
Commentary:
Sounds like my math skills are taking a vacation too, but who can say no to a trip that calculates its own fun? 😂✈️💸
COVID really had me saying, “Oh shit, my mask,” in 2020, like I’m Batman or something.
Commentary:
Mask on, but I'm no Bruce Wayne! 🦇🤣
A woman was rude to me on the train today, so I googled the book she was reading and told her who the murderer is.
Commentary:
Plot twist: I turned public transport into a crime scene investigation! 🔍🚂📚🤣
My boyfriend is absolutely refusing to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me, and I lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear.
Commentary:
I mean, with multitasking skills like that, you'd think he was Beethoven's rival! 🎹😂💧
They should invent a good thing that happens to me.
Commentary:
When they invent it, I'll be the guinea pig, just to make sure it works! 😂✨
How much would I have to drink for a mosquito to instantly die from alcohol poisoning when it bites me?
Commentary:
Sounds like one mosquito is about to learn the true meaning of "buzzed driving" 🍸🦟🚫
Said good morning to my coworker at 6 a.m., and he told me to calm down.
Commentary:
When your excitement level is at "coffee IV drip" but everyone else is still on "snooze button" mode 😂☕😴
Sometimes, when I get emotionally attached to a show, I don’t watch the last episode so it doesn’t end for me.
Commentary:
Refusing to say goodbye like a pro, keeping those fictional friends around indefinitely 📺😭🍿
I’m hosting a charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
Commentary:
Count me in, I’ll come… or at least I’ll try! 😂🎉