Commentary:
When your excitement level is at "coffee IV drip" but everyone else is still on "snooze button" mode 😂☕😴
2109 Funny me quotes
Sometimes, when I get emotionally attached to a show, I don’t watch the last episode so it doesn’t end for me.
Commentary:
Refusing to say goodbye like a pro, keeping those fictional friends around indefinitely 📺😭🍿
I’m hosting a charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
Commentary:
Count me in, I’ll come… or at least I’ll try! 😂🎉
Scientists don’t want you to know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because, if you actually meet a scientist, they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know.
Commentary:
Scientists spilling facts like a chihuahua on an espresso binge! 🐶☕🔬
My neighbor said he heard me having sex today, but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.
Commentary:
Sounds like your air conditioner deserves a privacy warning label! 🏷️💨🔞
Just got hospitalized for being cringe. They put me in the awk ward.
Commentary:
Hope the food there isn't too punny! 🤪🏥
I wish Spotify had a “songs you forgot about for some weird reason, but trust me, you still love them” button.
Commentary:
Press that button and get ready for a nostalgic dance party with your long-lost music loves! 🎶🕺💃
If you’ve ever been kind to me, you get a little room in my mind forever, where the bed is always made, and the window is open, so it smells like rain.
Commentary:
That sounds like a five-star Airbnb for kind souls! 🛏️💨🌧️
I’ll quit smoking if they invent another activity that lets me leave a group and go stand outside on my own for 5-10 minutes.
Commentary:
When escape rooms start hiring breaks outside, I'll quit too! 🚶♂️➡️🚪️😅
I wouldn’t know if the stripper loves me. I’ve never been to a strip club. I mostly go to Lidl or Aldi.
Commentary:
Looks like you're more into discount deals than dollar bills! 🛒💰😂