New funny nothing quotes

• Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

• I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

• Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

• I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

• How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

• Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

• Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

• Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

• If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

• Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Top funny nothing quotes

• People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

• Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

• My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

• I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

• If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

• I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

• Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

• Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

• “I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Popular funny nothing quotes

• Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

• Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

• My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

• Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

• If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

• Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

• Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

• Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

• He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

• Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

More funny nothing quotes

• Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

• The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

• I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

• Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

• Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

• Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

• Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

• There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

• Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

• “Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Witty nothing quotes

• Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

• “Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

• My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

• Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

• It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

• My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

• Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

• Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

• Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

• My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Funny nothing quotes remind us that sometimes the best stories start with, “We were doing nothing, and then…” 🤣. Whether it’s sitting around for hours, avoiding chores 🧹, or spacing out entirely 🤯, doing nothing tends to invite unexpected hilarity 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever proudly done absolutely nothing — and loved every minute of it 🙃. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the comedy of embracing glorious nothingness 🤪!