50+ Funny Office Quotes That Prove Every Workplace Is Its Own Sitcom

New funny office quotes

• Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

• Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

• Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

• Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

• If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

• When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

• People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

• “PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

• Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

• Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

Top funny office quotes

• Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

• I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

• One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

• The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

• When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

• Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

• I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

• Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

• Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

• Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Popular funny office quotes

• My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

• My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

• I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

• You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

• If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

• The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

• Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

• The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

• The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

• If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

More funny office quotes

• This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

• You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

• This meeting could have been an oil painting.

• Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

• Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

• I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

• We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

• That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

• Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

• Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Witty office quotes

• 9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

• When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

• My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

• Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

• When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

• At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

• This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

• You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

• Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

• Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Funny office quotes remind us that while we go to work to be productive 💼, we usually end up collecting hilarious stories instead 🤣. Whether it’s printer malfunctions 🖨️, awkward small talk by the coffee machine ☕, or bizarre team-building exercises 🧩, the office never fails to entertain. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that surviving office life requires a good sense of humor 🙃. So embrace the cubicle chaos, laugh at the meetings, and enjoy the daily comedy that is office life 🤪!