50+ Funny Personal Quotes That Prove We’re All A Bit Of A Mess

New funny personal quotes

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  Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

  Commentary:
  Finally found the secret to happiness: ignoring everyone else's drama! 🙉🤫😎

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  No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

  Commentary:
  Ah yes, the classic case of Mistake Stockholm Syndrome! Can't quit those nostalgic mishaps 😂🔄👯‍♂️

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  Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

  Commentary:
  Treat yo'self to some pre-birthday presents—better start a year early! 🎈🎉🛍️

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  It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

  Commentary:
  The moment you realize you're the monarch of Movie Seat Kingdom! 👑🎥🍿

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  The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

  Commentary:
  When a Boomer asks about your salary before mentioning the weather forecast 😂🌦️#BoomerMoves

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  Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

  Commentary:
  Getting strong enough to open that stubborn pickle jar 🥒💪😂

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  When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

  Commentary:
  Looks like some people took "no dumb questions" as an Olympic sport! 🏅🤔😅

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  One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

  Commentary:
  An actual crime against humanity: Youth wasted on worrying. Live, laugh, love…and maybe cringe a bit less! 😂🙌💃

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  Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

  Commentary:
  Time to solve all my problems with a little retail therapy and a big credit card bill 😅💳💸

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  The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

  Commentary:
  Brushing my teeth in my underwear: a glamour event that's totally underappreciated 😂💫🪥

Top funny personal quotes

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  “I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

  Commentary:
  Relatable! My bank account hides under the bed whenever I grab my keys or open my laptop! 💸😅🚪🖥️

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  Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

  Commentary:
  Smelling like Goku's training session isn't the secret to Super Saiyan 🏋️‍♂️😂✨

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  Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

  Commentary:
  When I go out, the only thing that turns into a pumpkin is my bank account! 🎃💸

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  Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

  Commentary:
  Mixing up scents like a true fragrance DJ! 🎧💨💐#ScentSational

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  Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

  Commentary:
  Napping in jeans: the ultimate hardcore level of comfort! 😴👖🖤

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  Being alone is my favourite way of being.

  Commentary:
  Love having solo parties; the guest list is always perfect! 🎉😄🛋️

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  People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

  Commentary:
  Living life like a financial funambulist! 🤹‍♂️💸😅

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  Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like you need a "No unsolicited advice" sign! 😂✋🛑

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  “Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

  Commentary:
  Hair today, sofa tomorrow! 💁‍♀️🛋️ Better stay in for some well-deserved couch cuddles.

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  Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

  Commentary:
  Job interview? More like a complimentary ego-boost session. I'm ready! 💪😎✨

Popular funny personal quotes

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  What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

  Commentary:
  When you’re on a first-name basis with all the delivery drivers, but your wallet just filed for divorce 😂🚚💸

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  I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

  Commentary:
  Still buffering… might reach 100% someday! 🤔😅🔄

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  Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

  Commentary:
  When someone else washes your hair, it's like winning the spa lottery! 🎉🛁✨

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  Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like you've been preparing for the role of Night Owl Extraordinaire since childhood! 🌙🦉✨

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  I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

  Commentary:
  "They knew my secret playlist?! Time to find a new underground jam! 🎶🤔😂"

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  My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

  Commentary:
  Going to the gym feels like accidentally joining a group project when you wanted to work solo 😅💪 #GymHermit

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  Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

  Commentary:
  Trying to hide from the camera, but forgetting your phone is basically writing your biography 😂📱🔍📚

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  Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

  Commentary:
  Having a strong urge to grow a beard and start giving unsolicited advice 🤔🧴😂

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  Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

  Commentary:
  Spilling the tea for strangers has never been this high-tech 🍵🤳📓#DigitalDiary

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  Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

  Commentary:
  Taking applications for minions, must be okay with diabolical plots and occasional evil laughter 😈👹😂

More funny personal quotes

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  Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

  Commentary:
  Trying to live my best life so I'll have personal reasons to brag at reunions 😎💼✨

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  Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

  Commentary:
  Who knew "adulting" was just code for "download all the apps your kid self never dreamed of"? 😂📱🔐

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  Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

  Commentary:
  Finally, a detox plan I can stick to! 🧼📱😂

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  Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

  Commentary:
  Buckle up for the emotional rollercoaster! 🎢🍿😅

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  I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

  Commentary:
  A big shoutout to all my life coaches, aka the chaos committee! 🙌🤣🔥

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  Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

  Commentary:
  When life gives you lemons, sell them for cash because stress is expensive 🍋💸😅

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  Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

  Commentary:
  Living solo: where pants are optional and snacks are unlimited! 🏠🙌🍕

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  Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I'm booked for an evening of overthinking and imaginary arguments! 🤔😂🗓️

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  Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

  Commentary:
  Guess my nose is just part of the home team 🤷‍♂️🏠👃

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  Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

  Commentary:
  When your essay is so bad, even your professor friend won't make eye contact 😂📚🔍

Witty personal quotes

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  Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I'll be dropping it like it's lukewarm instead! 😂🔥🎶

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  Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

  Commentary:
  Multitasking level: expert 🦷🚿😂

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  I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew facial hair could be so persuasive? 😉🧔 Embrace the beard life, it might just tickle your fancy! #BeardGoals"

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  I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs limits when you have sheer determination and a sprinkle of rebellious spirit? 💪🚫 Pushing boundaries is an art form after all! 🎨😜"

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  I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the good old 'glow up' – going from an awkward caterpillar to a fabulous butterfly! 🐛💫 Who needs a mirror when you've got hindsight, right? 😂 #TransformationTuesday"

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  I embarrass myself in front of myself.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic case of self-embarrassment – when you outdo yourself in awkwardness! 🙈😅 Who needs an audience when you can entertain yourself with cringe-worthy moments, right?"

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  Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the elusive quest for solitude and mental preparation in the wee hours of the morning – the ultimate life hack for introverts and morning birds alike! 🌅☕️ Just don't hit the snooze button too many times, or you might run out of hours to prep and end up diving headfirst into the chaos! ⏰😅 #MorningMentor #AloneTimeAlchemist"

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  A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a castle when you have a sanctuary for cars? 🚗🏰 Let's be real, the garage is where the real magic happens – where tools become wands and oil stains are the battle scars of DIY warriors! 🛠️💪 Embrace your inner king of the garage! 👑🔧"

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  My favorite color is money.

  Commentary:
  "Same! I'm over here trying to make my bank account more vibrant! 💵😂💚"

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  Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the thrill of the great cancelation! 🎉 Who needs a night out when you can have a night in your comfiest PJs instead? 😂 Canceling plans has never felt so liberating, am I right? 🙌 #AlwaysDownForSomeCancelationExcitement"