50+ Funny Personal Quotes That Prove We’re All A Bit Of A Mess

New funny personal quotes

• I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

• Touch my butt, not my coffee.

• How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

• I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

• A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

• A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

• I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

• Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

• I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Top funny personal quotes

• Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

• Don’t come to my house unannounced; I will stare at you from my window.

• My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

• I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

• Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

• Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

• Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

• Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

• At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

• Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Popular funny personal quotes

• Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

• Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

• I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

• I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

• Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

• If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

• Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

• I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

• Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

• I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

More funny personal quotes

• Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

• I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

• They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

• Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

• I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

• Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

• People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

• The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

• That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

• Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Witty personal quotes

• I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

• Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

• It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

• I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

• All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

• Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

• Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

• Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

• Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

• Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Funny personal quotes remind us that while everyone’s personal journey looks different, we’re all stumbling through with a mix of confidence and confusion 😂. Whether it’s weird routines, emotional rollercoasters 🎢, or talking to yourself in the mirror 🪞, personal quirks make life endlessly entertaining 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s learned to laugh at their own weirdness 🙃. So embrace your individuality, laugh at the chaos, and enjoy the comedy of being your wonderfully personal self 🤪!