50+ Funny Procrastination Quotes That Perfectly Justify Your Delays

New funny procrastination quotes

• I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

• Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

• You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

• Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

• One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

• I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

• The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

• My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

• “You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

• Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Top funny procrastination quotes

• Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

• I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

• How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

• Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

• If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

• My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

• “I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

• If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

• As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

• If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Popular funny procrastination quotes

• Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

• I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

• If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

• Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

• I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

• “But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

• The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

• Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

• If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

• Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

More funny procrastination quotes

• It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

• I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

• Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

• I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

• There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

• When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

• I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

• Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

• Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

• I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Witty procrastination quotes

• “You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

• Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

• I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

• I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

• I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

• The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

• Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

• After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

• Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

• Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Funny procrastination quotes remind us that sometimes putting things off is an art form 🎨. Whether it’s reorganizing your sock drawer 🧦 instead of working 🖥️ or convincing yourself that tomorrow will be the productive day 🌞, procrastination makes life unexpectedly funny 😂. These quotes are perfect for sharing with fellow masters of delay ⏳. So embrace the distractions, laugh at the excuses, and remember: why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? 😄