New funny procrastination quotes

• *Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

• Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

• My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

• Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

• Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

• I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

• I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

• My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

• I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

• I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Top funny procrastination quotes

• Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

• We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

• When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

• No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

• Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

• Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

• I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

• The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

• “How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

• Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Popular funny procrastination quotes

• “I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

• How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

• I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

• Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

• My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

• Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

• My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

• I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

• I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

More funny procrastination quotes

• You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

• Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

• Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

• Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

• “I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

• I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

• Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

• My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

• No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

• Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

Witty procrastination quotes

• I want this laziness removed from my body.

• Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

• As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

• Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

• I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

• “I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

• Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

• My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

• The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

• Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Funny procrastination quotes remind us that sometimes putting things off is an art form 🎨. Whether it’s reorganizing your sock drawer 🧦 instead of working 🖥️ or convincing yourself that tomorrow will be the productive day 🌞, procrastination makes life unexpectedly funny 😂. These quotes are perfect for sharing with fellow masters of delay ⏳. So embrace the distractions, laugh at the excuses, and remember: why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? 😄