New funny routine quotes

• ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

• Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

• Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

• Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

• Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

• Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

• By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Top funny routine quotes

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

• You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

• Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

• Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

• My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

• I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

• I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

• How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

• I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

• The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Popular funny routine quotes

• I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

• Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

• People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

• Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

• A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

• Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

• Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

More funny routine quotes

• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

• My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

• I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

• The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

• Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

• Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

• Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

• I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

• I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

• This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Witty routine quotes

• Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

• I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

• Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

• I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

• Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

• 11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

• At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

• If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

• I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

• Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Funny routine quotes remind us that while routines sound productive on paper 📋, real life turns them into a mix of procrastination, distractions, and hilarious detours 😂. Whether it’s morning chaos 🌞, evening laziness 🛋️, or constant adjustments that totally defeat the point 🙃, routines offer endless comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who loves the idea of routine more than actually following one 🤣. So embrace the messy schedules, laugh at the slip-ups, and enjoy the comedy of your not-so-perfect routine 🤪!