New funny routine quotes

• I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

• I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

• Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

• My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

• The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

• My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

• My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

• Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

• As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

• I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Top funny routine quotes

• Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

• Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

• So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

• Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

• The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

• The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

• Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

• I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

• My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

• My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

Popular funny routine quotes

• Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

• I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

• Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

• My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

• When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

• Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

• Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

• I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

• My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

• You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

More funny routine quotes

• People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

• My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

• The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

• The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

• Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

• Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

• She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

• Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

• Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

• Work beers should be a daily thing.

Witty routine quotes

• Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

• Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

• Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

• Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

• Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

• By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

• You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Funny routine quotes remind us that while routines sound productive on paper 📋, real life turns them into a mix of procrastination, distractions, and hilarious detours 😂. Whether it’s morning chaos 🌞, evening laziness 🛋️, or constant adjustments that totally defeat the point 🙃, routines offer endless comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who loves the idea of routine more than actually following one 🤣. So embrace the messy schedules, laugh at the slip-ups, and enjoy the comedy of your not-so-perfect routine 🤪!