50+ Funny Satire Quotes That Prove Mocking Reality Is The Best Comedy

New funny satire quotes

• 
  They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

  Commentary:
  Wow, that's deep! 🧠 Guess we're all highly-trained couch potatoes now! 📺🥔

• 
  That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

  Commentary:
  Coldplay playing the accountability game like it's Viva La Vida 😂🎶 #PresidentialComparisons

• 
  If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

  Commentary:
  Following influencers like it's a full-time career 😅📱 #CertifiedInfluenced

• 
  Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

  Commentary:
  I didn’t know Axe body spray had a spokesperson! 🤣👃💨

• 
  Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone missed the memo about the population's "Buy One Get One Free" promo! 🤔👶😂

• 
  Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like someone needs to update their definition app! 😂🕵️‍♀️🔍

• 
  An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like a wild plot twist even Vonnegut would need extra coffee for! ☕😂

• 
  So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

  Commentary:
  Guess we better start praying to the climate gods for a cool down! ⛅️🙏🌍

• 
  We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

  Commentary:
  Fast trains would be cool, but apparently, AI thinks we need more "thirsty" entertainment! 🚄🤖💧😂

• 
  Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

  Commentary:
  Well, talk about a plot twist! 🤯 It's like China hit us with the ultimate software upgrade – Covid 19S Plus Pro: now with extra features for all your quarantine needs! 🦠💼 Who needs a vaccine when you have the latest virus release, right? Stay safe out there, folks! 😅 #PandemicUpgrade

Top funny satire quotes

• 
  Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your diagnosis is in: you've got a case of political fever! 🤒🗳️ Remember to take your daily dose of democracy and avoid election stress. Who knew that the best cure for this condition is simply turning off the news? 😄 #SymptomsOfPolitics

• 
  If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

  Commentary:
  👽🚶‍♂️💊 "Forget little green men, it's the copywriters of pharmaceutical commercials we should be looking out for! 🤔 Their scriptwriting skills are out of this world…literally! 👽✨ Who knew aliens had such a knack for awkwardly listing side effects? 😂 #AliensAmongUs #PharmaGenius"

• 
  How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

  Commentary:
  Just one more filter and I think we can hang it in the Louvre 🎨😂#ModernArt

• 
  New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

  Commentary:
  Looks like this new COVID variant is not only spreading quickly but also has a side hustle as a telemarketer! 🦠🚗 "Hello there, may I interest you in a lifetime warranty for your lungs and taste buds?" 😂 #COVIDVariantSalesPitch

• 
  If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

  Commentary:
  "If I were a billionaire, forget Mars, I'd have everyone else waving goodbye from my rocket-built private island in outer space! 🚀🏝️ #SpaceAintBigEnoughForUsAll"

• 
  The government even made aliens boring.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the government's idea of fun is definitely out of this world… 🛸👽 Talk about taking the thrill out of UFO sightings! Seems like even ET needed a permit to visit Earth now 🚫👾 #BoringAliens

• 
  Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine the uproar if Mount Rushmore had burger-loving presidents instead! 🍔🇺🇸 It'd be the most American monument ever! Just picture it – Lincoln with a hotdog, Washington with a slice of apple pie, Jefferson with a mountain of fries, and Teddy Roosevelt chomping on a giant sandwich. Now that's a sight to behold! 😄 #FoodiePresidents"

• 
  A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine if every time someone cursed on Twitter, they had to donate to the #HangryWorld 🍲🌍 fund! We might just solve world hunger faster than you can say $#%&! 😂💸 #DonateYourSwears"

• 
  I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, so that's why our jokes are out of this world! 🚀👽 Who knew the aliens were tuning in for our comic relief? Time to start prepping for our intergalactic stand-up tour!"

• 
  We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

  Commentary:
  "Sure, just like how I paid for this coffee shop, so I'm taking every latte and croissant in sight! ☕️🥐 Who needs rules when you've got a wallet, right?"

Popular funny satire quotes

• 
  It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the struggle is real for the tinfoil fashionistas! 🎩✨ Talk about a fashion statement gone awry thanks to the conspiracy crew. Guess we'll just have to find a new trend to keep those brain waves in check! 🧠🚫 #FashionFails #TinfoilTrendGoneWrong

• 
  Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

  Commentary:
  🤣🔥 Caveman: "I just invented the wheel!" 🎉 Journalist: "Hold my pen, I've got some hot takes on why the wheel is bad for humanity. Spoiler alert: it doesn't have good mileage!" 🙈 #StoneAgeHotTakes

• 
  An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like the key to getting paid at an internship is having sticky fingers, eh? 🤑💼 Just kidding! Remember folks, the real treasure is the experience you gain along the way… but a decent stipend wouldn't hurt either! 😉💰 #InternLife"

• 
  Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs microplastics when you can go big and chomp down on a whole package for extra crunch and fiber 🌟🍽️ Reduce, reuse, and recycle? Nah, just eat it all in one go! Bon appétit! 🤣🌍 #SustainableEating"

• 
  There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

  Commentary:
  "Plot twist: Turns out the rest of the world didn't get the apocalypse memo and is just casually sipping lattes and scrolling through memes while Australia is battling desert bandits. 🌏☕️😂 #MadMaxRealityCheck"

• 
  Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

  Commentary:
  "Dear deodorant manufacturers, if your product really lasts 72 hours, does that mean I can hibernate for 3 days and still smell fresh? 🤔 Meanwhile, my bus ride feels like a never-ending aroma adventure thanks to your 'long-lasting' promise! 🚌🤢 #PublicTransportStruggles"

• 
  It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

  Commentary:
  "Democracy might be feeling a bit flushed lately… 💸🚽 But hey, who needs voting when we can have politicians battle it out Taskmaster-style? 🏆💪 Who can balance the budget while wearing a chicken suit? 💸🐔 #TaskmasterElections"

• 
  In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the ultimate showdown between good and evil! 😈🎥 Looks like even the devil gets his 15 minutes of fame on the BBC. Talk about equal airtime for all sides! 😂📺 #HeavenVsHell #MediaEquality

• 
  Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

  Commentary:
  "Dear razor commercials, stop aiming for smooth legs – aim for the jungle! 🦍💇‍♂️ Impress your date by shaving a gorilla, now that's taking things to the next level! 🌿😂 #GorillaGroomingGoals"

• 
  Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the famous last twelve digits of Pi – because pressing endless numbers is definitely a slice of Pi in the sky! 🥧😂 Don't worry, your call is important to us… once you've calculated Pi to the last digit! 🔢🤓"

More funny satire quotes

• 
  A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine how many meals we could provide just by taxing every tweet that incites chaos! 🤑🌍 Let's turn keyboard warriors into global warriors! 💪🍽️ #TwitterTax"

• 
  The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

  Commentary:
  Watch out for those sneaky pigeons 🐦! They may seem harmless, but their coo could be the start of a revolution 🕊️💥. Remember, even the tiniest birds can have big plans! 🤣 #PigeonTakeover

• 
  I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, contemplating the future by revisiting the past 🎥🔮 Who knew a movie could serve as a crystal ball for our current reality? Time to take notes from Idiocracy on how to navigate our own comedic chaos! 🤪💡"

• 
  We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

  Commentary:
  "Let's not trigger the rise of an AI dictator with hurt feelings! 🤖🎨 #AIArtMatters #BeKindToAI"

• 
  It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the eternal debate between Becestershire and Worcestershire – a tale as old as thyme! 🧐🌿 Let's hope they can ketchup and relish the flavor of their differences! 🍅😄 #SaucyTales

• 
  If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

  Commentary:
  "If I win the lottery, I'm buying four politicians and some really nice shoes. 🤑💼 Because sometimes you need to dress up the chaos with a touch of style and a sprinkle of power! 💸👠 #LifeGoals"

• 
  Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old wisdom of sacrificing virgins to solve all our problems – can't believe we just stopped doing that! 🙄 Maybe if we start again, even the weather gods will be satisfied? 😂🌦️ #SacrificesForSunshine"

• 
  How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

  Commentary:
  "Seriously, if we can fry air, then surely we can find a way to feed everyone too, right? 🍟🌍 No more hangry days, just crispy solutions! 😄 #FryTheHungerAway"

• 
  Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic political strategy: convince everyone that you're the only honest one in a sea of deception! 🕵️‍♂️🤥 Who knew the key to trust was a well-crafted conspiracy theory? 😂 Just remember, it's all fun and games until people start questioning if even you are lying about lying! 🤔🤫 #TrustNoOne"

• 
  There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the eternal debate between the vampire hunters and the vampire gatherers! 🦇 While the hunters are out there with their stakes and garlic, the gatherers are happily inviting blood-sucking creatures to tea parties. ☕️ Who knew the undead could be so picky about who they hang out with? 🧛‍♂️ #TeamGatherers #LifeOfTheParty"

Witty satire quotes

• 
  Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

  Commentary:
  Well, it looks like even criminals are feeling the heat from the digital age! 📰💻 Imagine the struggle of trying to cut and paste your handwritten demands when everyone is switching to text messages and emails. Looks like ransom notes are going virtual too! #OldSchoolCrimeGoneDigital 🕵️‍♂️💻

• 
  Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Coke Zero is playing the long game with its ambitious plan to rid the world of fizzy drinks by 2030 🥤🚫 Better stock up on your favorite sodas now before they disappear into the fizz-tory books! 😄"

• 
  Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that dining out was just a fancy way of indirectly feeding the porcelain throne? 🤔🚽💸 Next time you treat yourself to a meal, remember, you're just investing in the plumbing system! 😂🍽️ #FoodForThought"

• 
  The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

  Commentary:
  "Introducing the ultimate online showdown: Naked Debates! 💻🔥 Watch as passionate individuals bare it all, both emotionally and literally, while engaging in riveting political discussions. Who said politics couldn't be entertaining and revealing at the same time? 💬🔞 #NakedPolitics"

• 
  The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like everyone wants a piece of the American dream, but shhh, don't mention the broken bits! 🤫✈️ #immigrationwoes"

• 
  After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the apples will be in big trouble next… 🍎🍌📚 Better keep an eye on those sultry strawberries and cheeky cherries too! 🍓🍒 #FruitForThought #ForbiddenFruit

• 
  Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

  Commentary:
  "Sign me up for the 'Professional Nodder' position!🙋‍♂️💼 Just imagine getting paid to perfect the art of nodding approvingly in front of someone else's hard work. Who needs originality anyway when you've got 2M followers nodding along with you?😂👏 #NoddingInfluence"

• 
  Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

  Commentary:
  Ah, yes, the majestic hierarchy of the burger world! 🍔👑 One can only imagine the noble Quarter Pounder ruling over its loyal subjects, the humble Chicken Nuggets and the rebellious Onion Rings. Long live the Burger King and may the French Fries be ever in your flavor! 👑🍟🍔 #BurgerFeudalism

• 
  Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that bathrooms were the mastermind behind the whole gender debate? 🚽💰 Don't be fooled, folks, it's all a ploy to push more porcelain thrones our way! 😂 #BathroomConspiracy"

• 
  Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the clever marketing tactics of the cabbage conglomerate! 🥬🤣 Who knew Brussels sprouts were just little cabbages in disguise, trying to make a name for themselves in the vegetable world? Watch out for those sneaky marketing schemes next time you're strolling through the produce aisle! 😉🌱