50+ Funny Self-Care Quotes That Prove Pampering Yourself Can Get Pretty Ridiculous

New funny self-care quotes

• Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

• The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

• Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

• My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

• When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

• I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

• Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

• Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

• Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

• My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

Top funny self-care quotes

• I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

• My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

• Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

• Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

• Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

• Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

• My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

• I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

• I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

• I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Popular funny self-care quotes

• Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

• Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

• Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

• Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

• Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

• “Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

• The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

• I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

• Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

• You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

More funny self-care quotes

• Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

• Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

• I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

• No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

• It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

• Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

• Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

• People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

• You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

• “Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Witty self-care quotes

• When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

• No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

• Muting morons is good for your health.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

• I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

• Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

• After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

• I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

• Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

• These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Funny self-care quotes remind us that while self-care is important 🌿, we’re really good at turning it into a comedy act 😂. Whether it’s buying unnecessary candles 🕯️, taking 4-hour naps 😴, or calling online shopping “therapy” 🛒, self-care can be as ridiculous as it is relaxing 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said, “I deserve this,” while knowing full well they went overboard 🙃. So embrace the indulgence, laugh at the excess, and enjoy the hilarious side of self-care 🤪!