50+ Funny Start Quotes That Prove Beginning Is Always The Hardest (And Funniest) Part

New funny start quotes

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  I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

  Commentary:
  Starting my day at 4 p.m. really shows how angelic I am 😇✨ #BlessedProcrastinator #LivingMyBestLife

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  Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

  Commentary:
  When imagination turns into a soap opera! 📱🎭💭

• 
  Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

  Commentary:
  Looks like it's time to trade left swipes for hot dogs and baseball strikes! 🍺🌭⚾️

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  The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

  Commentary:
  Trying to postpone tomorrow like it's a dentist appointment 😅🕒🌙

• 
  You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

  Commentary:
  Finally evolved from a people pleaser to a "read" warrior! 🦸‍♂️📱🔕

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  Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

  Commentary:
  Guess it's time to trade my pizza for lentils and call it adulting at its finest! 🥲🥦🍕

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  The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

  Commentary:
  When your dog is the ultimate hype buddy and thinks every day is a surprise birthday party! 🎉🐶🎈

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  So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

  Commentary:
  The eternal struggle: wanting to wash your troubles away but realizing you might have to leave the house wearing a bedsheet! 😅👗🧺

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  You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

  Commentary:
  When you've played so long that your fridge starts narrating your life story 🎮😂 hallucination level unlocked 🚪🔊

• 
  Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

  Commentary:
  When I rush in the morning, even my coffee needs coffee! ☕️😂

Top funny start quotes

• 
  Starting a new life today, bye.

  Commentary:
  Guess I'll just pack up my collection of stress and anxiety for the move! 🚪🏃‍♀️💼😅

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  You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

  Commentary:
  Feeling like I might start seeing everyone as walking burritos soon 🌯😂 #OvulationProblems

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  “You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

  Commentary:
  You're the human embodiment of an "ugh" 🤦‍♂️☕️

• 
  When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the local locksmith is about to become the richest person in town! 🔑😆🏡

• 
  August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

  Commentary:
  Guess I better start prepping for beach season as well! 🎃🎄🍾🏖️ Time travel, anyone?

• 
  When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

  Commentary:
  Sounds about right! It's like they have a PhD in "Mysterious Disappearances." 🎩🕵️‍♂️🔍

• 
  (at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

  Commentary:
  When your life hit rock bottom and you think, "Why not dig deeper with some awkward dates?" 😂💔🎯

• 
  What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

  Commentary:
  Looks like it's time to invest in some ankle armor and speedy sneakers! 😂👟🐾

• 
  The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

  Commentary:
  When you find yourself reminding him to take his vitamins, it’s time to initiate the infinite timeout. 😆👶🔔

• 
  Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

  Commentary:
  When the neighbors turn into amateur opera singers, it's my cue to play judge with scorecards! 🎶🎭👏

Popular funny start quotes

• 
  Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

  Commentary:
  Starting over at 27? Why not! It's the new trend—like upgrading your phone but with life decisions 📱🔄😂

• 
  You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

  Commentary:
  When a series drops a banger, my remote goes missing because I'm too busy dancing! 💃🎶😂

• 
  If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

  Commentary:
  New dating app feature: customizable self-esteem levels… mine's stuck on 'Oops!' 😅💔

• 
  Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

  Commentary:
  Clearly you've nailed the ultimate humble sign-off! Next up: "Yours truly, your clueless correspondent." 😂📧🤷‍♂️

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  My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

  Commentary:
  Just signed up for a stretching class—consider it an investment in my future flexibility stock! 🤸‍♀️📈😂

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  Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

  Commentary:
  Brain's got the latest software update but the memory chip keeps glitching! 🤯🔄😂

• 
  You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

  Commentary:
  When they start calling you a superhero, but all you want is a nap! 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️😴

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  I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

  Commentary:
  Here’s my new mantra for life: “If it makes sense to you, then it makes ‘dollars’ to me” 😂🤑 #ConfusionEconomics

• 
  Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

  Commentary:
  Who knew job hunting was like dating, but with references? 😂📞🥸

• 
  I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

  Commentary:
  Inflatable faces: the latest trend in 3D selfies! 🎈😆📸

More funny start quotes

• 
  That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

  Commentary:
  Enjoying my official title of 'Employed but Not Yet Obligated'! 😎🕺💼

• 
  The feminine urge to start a coven.

  Commentary:
  Joining a witch meetup to discuss the latest broomstick upgrades and potion recipes! 🧙‍♀️✨🔮

• 
  Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

  Commentary:
  Hydration station, here we come! 💧🚰 Let's turn 'boring' into 'pour-ing’! 😂

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  Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone just unlocked the cheat code for instant financial fireworks! 💸🤯🔥

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  I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

  Commentary:
  Getting older is when you reach expert level in back-in-my-day storytelling! 🤣🕰️👴🏻

• 
  I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I've been unintentionally studying all my Calvin Klein textbooks this whole time. 📚👖😉

• 
  Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

  Commentary:
  "Life lesson #101: Paying rent turns humor into horror 😂💸 Say goodbye to jokes and hello to bill collectors!"

• 
  Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

  Commentary:
  🤣 "When the whining orchestra begins its performance, the only logical response is to dial up Mom for an apology… and maybe a crash course on dealing with miniature divas and divos! 📞👶 #ParentingPerks"

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  I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs tissues when you have a dog? 🐶❤️ Your furry friend is just helping you with your hydration levels! #DogHugsAreTheBest"

• 
  You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, when you and yourself can't seem to agree on anything, you know it's stress o'clock! 🤯🙄 Hang in there, self, we'll get through this together! 💪😂"

Witty start quotes

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  If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

  Commentary:
  "If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I'd probably be contemplating retirement plans by now. 💸 But hey, that just means you're worth every penny of my mental wealth! 💭😄"

• 
  Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

  Commentary:
  "Who said optimism had to be hard work? 😂💭 Embrace the joy of knowing that your cozy bed awaits you in just 17 short hours! Sweet dreams, dreamer! 💤✨"

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  Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

  Commentary:
  😄🚽 How about switching up the terminology to make your bathroom visits sound way more impressive? Who needs a John when you can casually mention you're off to the "Jim" for a daily workout session? Keep yourself healthy both physically and linguistically! 💪😉

• 
  My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the presentation itself was the real joke! 💸😅 Hope the punchline was worth it, or at least enough to cover the disappointment. #CorporateHumor"

• 
  If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs matches when you've got corduroy pants, the ultimate survival tool for both style and warmth! 🔥👖 Just be sure to avoid any accidental sparks while looking fabulous in the great outdoors! ⛺😄"

• 
  I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

  Commentary:
  "Looks like you've reached the 'CTRL + Z' moment in life! 🔄 Don't worry, just hit the 'Refresh' button and start a new game on 'Life 2.0'. 🎮 Remember, it's never too late for a new beginning, just make sure to read the 'Terms & Conditions' this time! 😉"

• 
  I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs mornings and afternoons anyway? Night owls unite! 🦉🌙 Embracing the nocturnal lifestyle, where our brains finally come alive while others are winding down for the day! 🌃😂 #NightOwlLife"

• 
  I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like they're undergoing a full reboot to factory settings! 💖🔧😂

• 
  I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a white belt when you can rock a black belt in partial arts? 🥋♠️ Don't worry about finishing things, just master the art of leaving them at the halfway mark! 😂 #PartialArtsMaster"

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  Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'let's agree to disagree' – the diplomatic way of saying 'let's just nod and move on' 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️. A surefire strategy for avoiding those never-ending debates that make you question your life choices 🤣. Just remember, when in doubt, agree to disagree and grab some popcorn for the show! 🍿👏"