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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 7363 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

202 Funny start quotes

Funny start quotes capture those awkward, hilarious moments when we begin something new! 😅🚀 Whether it’s starting a project and instantly regretting it, or the classic struggle of getting off the couch to start your workout (only to be distracted by snacks), these quotes remind us that every new beginning comes with a dose of comedy. Here’s to those not-so-glamorous “starts”! 😂📅🎉

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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