50+ Funny Talk Quotes That Prove Conversations Rarely Go As Planned

New funny talk quotes

• Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

• It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

• Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

• Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

• The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

• Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

• Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

• Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

• Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

• Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Top funny talk quotes

• The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

• Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

• Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

• Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

• I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

• That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

• Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

• If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Popular funny talk quotes

• Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

• Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

• Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

• Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

• “I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

• People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

• Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

• Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

• People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

• Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

More funny talk quotes

• Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

• Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

• If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

• Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

• “You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

• Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

• Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

• I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

• I look stable, but I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.

• If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Witty talk quotes

• No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

• Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

• Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

• Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

• If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

• People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

• People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

• If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

• Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

• Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Funny talk quotes remind us that while talking seems simple, it rarely goes smoothly 😂. Whether it’s interrupting yourself 🗣️, forgetting what you were saying halfway through 🤷‍♂️, or making jokes that completely bomb 🤣, talking is full of funny misfires. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s mastered the art of saying, “Wait, what was I talking about again?” 🙃. So embrace the slip-ups, laugh at the blunders, and enjoy the comedy of every talk 🤪!