50+ Funny Travel Quotes That Prove Every Trip Is A Comedy Adventure

New funny travel quotes

• 
  Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

  Commentary:
  Ah, nothing like paying extra for a change of scenery while your kids perfect their eye-roll game! 😂✈️💸

• 
  People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

  Commentary:
  Are you part vampire, conserving your strength for when in-flight drinks served? 🧛‍♂️✈️🔋

• 
  Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

  Commentary:
  Sure, cheers to defying time zones 🍻—pretty sure the airport is where clocks go on vacation! ✈️⏰

• 
  “Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I've got as many options as a cat in a dog park! 🚂😹

• 
  Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

  Commentary:
  Hope it doesn't start browsing for better travel partners! 🧳😂✈️

• 
  My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

  Commentary:
  So your husband cracked the mysterious 'sock code'? Next he'll invent the wheel! 🧦🔄😂

• 
  Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I've reached the point of using a fake mustache and a secret agent alias! 🕵️‍♂️✈️😂

• 
  80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

  Commentary:
  Time travel irony: Where we're going, we need scrunchies and cassette tapes! 🚀🎶🕺

• 
  Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

  Commentary:
  Tour guide: the perfect job for anyone who thrives on both steps and smugness! 🚶‍♂️💡😆

• 
  I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

  Commentary:
  Always early to the airport: I'm a seasoned pro at arriving 3 hours early to watch everyone else run late! ✈️😂⏰

Top funny travel quotes

• 
  I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

  Commentary:
  Dreams of terminal sleepovers and suitcase adventures! 🧳✈️😴

• 
  Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

  Commentary:
  Trading soles for skies! ✈️👟 #WanderlustLife

• 
  My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

  Commentary:
  I totally relate; my suitcase isn't even unpacked, and I'm already planning my next great escape! 🌴✈️😂

• 
  Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

  Commentary:
  When you're more interested in runway clearance than runway fashion. ✈️🛍️👠

• 
  I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

  Commentary:
  Always fashionably late, except when runway chic is involved! ✈️🤣⌚️

• 
  Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

  Commentary:
  Looks like airlines missed the memo on friendly carpools! 🚗✈️💸

• 
  I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

  Commentary:
  Dream partner: must provide daily itinerary and surprise upgrades! 🛫🌎😂

• 
  I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

  Commentary:
  Eating gourmet air and five-star water, living the dream one snack at a time! 🍽️✈️😂

• 
  I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

  Commentary:
  Who needs a plane ticket when you can just wake up tired? ✈️😴🌍

• 
  I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

  Commentary:
  I hope my pager still works! 🚀💾🎧

Popular funny travel quotes

• 
  There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

  Commentary:
  By the time you find an oasis, you'd be shouting "Water, Speedy! Giddy up!" 🏜️🐎😂

• 
  Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

  Commentary:
  Where's the sign-up sheet for "eating snacks on the couch" club? 🍿🏠😂

• 
  At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

  Commentary:
  Guess she should have specified *which* airline! ✈️🤣

• 
  Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

  Commentary:
  Guess my productivity just took a vacation too! 😅✈️🌴

• 
  They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

  Commentary:
  When you’re too seasoned for the rookie terminals: Welcome to SkyPro Airlines, where frequent flyers know the drill! ✈️😎🛫

• 
  Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the lost souls who sought my guidance… are they still journeying through life in circles? 🤔🚶‍♂️ May they have found their way by now, or are they still in the eternal maze of confusion? 😄🗺️ Remember: when in doubt, just follow the nearest confused person – they might just lead you to your destination! 🤪🧭"

• 
  There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

  Commentary:
  "Embark on a journey through the whimsical land of travel, where you can choose between the luxurious first class experience or the delightful adventure of navigating with children 🚂✈️👶💼. Either way, expect lots of unexpected detours and laughter that will create memories to last a lifetime!"

• 
  Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the classic case of past self vs current self showdown! 🕰️🥊 It's never a dull moment when you're your own worst enemy in a time-travel crisis. Just remember, if you do end up punching yourself, don't be surprised if you get a sassy comeback from future you! 😆👊 #TimeTravelTroubles"

• 
  Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

  Commentary:
  "Embarking on a family road trip: where the scenic views are as beautiful as the chaos inside the car 🚗👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 It's the ultimate test of love and survival skills… because let's face it, surviving a road trip with your in-laws is a true relationship milestone! 🤪💔 #FamilyRoadTripDrama"

• 
  My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the adventures my passport was expecting… only to end up confined within the walls of boredom and routine! 🌏🛂 #PassportProbz #LockedUpButNotLockedDown"

More funny travel quotes

• 
  The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your phone is determined to make those 🛫 turbulent moments work FOR you! Who needs smooth skies when you've got a step tracker that's always up for a challenge? 😂✈️ #TurningTurbulenceIntoSteps

• 
  Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

  Commentary:
  🚽💡 If Airbnb offered a 'Pit Stop Package', booking a bathroom would be a breeze! Just imagine the reviews: "5 stars for the most luxurious loo experience! Would definitely come back for seconds…or should I say flushes? 💁‍♂️🚿" #BathroomRentals #AirbnbInnovation 💫

• 
  It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

  Commentary:
  "Who says you can't find adventure in your own backyard? 🏡 Exploring the world is great and all, but have you tried the thrill of rediscovering your couch after a long day out? 😄 Home sweet home never felt so good!"

• 
  Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

  Commentary:
  "Life is a highway: full speed ahead, just watch out for those roadside pit stops 🚗🚽💨"

• 
  AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

  Commentary:
  "Staying at an AirBnB is like embarking on a thrilling adventure where the main attraction is deciphering the binder of rules left by your friendly neighborhood stranger 🏠💸 Just when you thought you were renting a room, turns out you signed up for a crash course in rule compliance! Who needs amusement parks when you've got an AirBnB experience waiting to bamboozle you 😂 #BinderOfFun #StrictlyAirBnB"

• 
  When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like your wife takes 'packing light' to a whole new level! 🧳🏠 When she says 'going on a trip', she means business! 😅 #WifeGoals"

• 
  If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

  Commentary:
  "If I were a billionaire, forget Mars, I'd have everyone else waving goodbye from my rocket-built private island in outer space! 🚀🏝️ #SpaceAintBigEnoughForUsAll"

• 
  Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

  Commentary:
  "When your evil twin is out there time-traveling in a DeLorean, at least you know they have a flair for the dramatic! 🚗⏰ Just make sure they don't mess up the space-time continuum too much! 😆🌀"

• 
  My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your fight or flight response is a jet-setter! 🌍✈️ Always ready to take off at a moment's notice, even the turbulence can't shake its frequent flyer confidence. Just make sure it doesn't rack up too many points or it might upgrade to first-class panic mode! 😅

• 
  Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

  Commentary:
  Wow, can you believe it? Some people are out there living on the edge of chaos, packing just the essentials for their trip. 🧳🧦 Who needs options when you can have simplicity, right? Maybe they're just really good at re-wearing outfits and embracing the minimalist lifestyle. 💁‍♂️👚 Next level packing skills or sheer bravery? You decide! 😄 #TravelLightAndThrillBright

Witty travel quotes

• 
  It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

  Commentary:
  Family vacations: the perfect blend of love, chaos, and questionable decisions. 🌴🚗😅 So if you haven't sworn off family trips at least once, are you even doing it right? 😂 #FamilyBondingAtItsFinest

• 
  I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good old days of the in-flight entertainment struggle! 🎬✈️ Back then, the only plot twist we experienced was deciding if we could endure another round of the same movie. 😅🍿 #ThrowbackFlightChoices

• 
  Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs to spend money on accommodation when you have the power of stealth? 🤫 Welcome to the stealth ninja Airbnb, where silence is the key to a free stay! 🏠💸 #StealthModeActivated"

• 
  I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a Fitbit when you have a passport to keep tabs on? Passport-checking: the latest travel workout trend! 💼✈️😂"

• 
  The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone misunderstood the assignment! 🌍😆 Maybe they were looking for a spiritual experience of a different kind…or maybe just a cozy night in bed? Either way, talk about a communication breakdown! #LostInTranslation

• 
  If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs saving when you can just throw a barbecue at the asteroid? 🌌🌭 #AsteroidBBQ #ThanksButNoThanksBruceWillis"

• 
  Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

  Commentary:
  "Still searching for that special someone who will show me the same level of dedication as those eager passengers who pop out of their seats the MOMENT the plane touches down. 🛬✈️ #RelationshipGoals #PatienceIsAVirtue"

• 
  Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

  Commentary:
  "Need to shed some pounds for summer? No problem! Just sneak those extra snacks into your luggage at the airport and voilà – instant weight loss, guaranteed! 🧳✈️ Say goodbye to those pesky pounds, bon voyage!"

• 
  Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

  Commentary:
  "Airlines be like: 'Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn't think everyone would bring a bag!' 🤷‍♂️✈️ Looks like they underestimated our packing skills again. Brace yourselves for the Tetris challenge of fitting all those bags in the overhead bins! 😂🧳 #TravelStruggles"

• 
  Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

  Commentary:
  "Seriously, airlines be like: 'You want to join us up in the sky? That'll be your firstborn child, please.' 🛩️💸 I mean, I'll bring my own snacks and a playlist – just tell me what's fair game here."