Life is essentially just a never-ending cycle of wanting things we don’t have, getting them, and then wanting something else—usually something that costs twice as much and requires a storage unit we don’t own. 🏠💸 Whether you’re currently “wanting” to be a millionaire or just “wanting” someone to bring you a snack without you having to move from your current horizontal position, our desires are often a source of pure comedy. 🛋️🍫 From the struggle of wanting to be fit while also wanting to eat your body weight in tacos, to the specific desire for a life that doesn’t involve “mandatory fun” at the office, we all have a list of demands that the universe is currently ignoring. 🌮📉 We’ve gathered 50 of the funniest quotes about our cravings, our material goals, and the hilarious realization that sometimes what we want and what we need are on two completely different planets. 🪐🛸😂
New funny want quotes
- I don’t want to “join the community” of a brand that sells socks. I just want the socks. Stop emailing me about your “mission statement.” Your mission is to sell socks. We both know this.
- Phones should have a “please disturb” setting that sends an alert to all my friends that I want attention.
- Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?
- Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.
- Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.
- I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.
- A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.
- Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.
- When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”
- I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.
Top funny want quotes
- Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.
- I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.
- If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.
- I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.
- Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.
- Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.
- ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.
- Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.
- Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?
- I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.
Popular funny want quotes
- Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.
- Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.
- Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.
- But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?
- Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.
- Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.
- I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?
- The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.
- You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?
- I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.
More funny want quotes
- Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.
- Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.
- The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.
- I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.
- I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.
- I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.
- I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.
- I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.
- I’m so glad programming is dead. I can finally program whatever I want.
- Be the funny, awkward silence breaker you want to see in the world.
Witty want quotes
- If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.
- I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.
- I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.
- Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.
- Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.
- Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.
- I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.
- The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note.
- I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.
- Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.
Satisfying Your Cravings One Witty Observation At A Time
This inventory of our deepest, silliest desires has finally come to an end, and hopefully, you’ve realized that the best things in life aren’t things—they’re just the stuff we haven’t gotten bored of yet. 🎢🛍️ If you’re still feeling that itch to click “Add to Cart,” just remember that wanting is usually much more fun than actually owning, especially when it comes to high-maintenance hobbies or gym memberships. 🏋️♂️💔 Keep dreaming big, but keep your expectations grounded in the reality that you’ll probably just want a nap by 3:00 PM anyway. It is always better to chase a laugh than a luxury item you’ll have to dust once a week. Now, go forth and get what you want—or at least get a decent cup of coffee and call it a win! ✌️😎☕✨