50+ Funny Workplace Quotes That Prove Every Office Is Its Own Sitcom

New funny workplace quotes

• The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

• Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

• Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

• Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

• Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

• Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

• Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

• Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

• I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

• Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Top funny workplace quotes

• Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

• People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

• I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

• “PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

• Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

• I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

• The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

• Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

• Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

• Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Popular funny workplace quotes

• Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

• I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

• I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

• The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

• I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

• “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

• Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

• I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

• Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

• I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

More funny workplace quotes

• If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

• Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

• Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

• Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

• Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

• Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

• Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

• Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

• If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

• People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Witty workplace quotes

• Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

• Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

• The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

• Work is the worst video game ever.

• Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

• You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

• This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

• I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

• Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

• Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Funny workplace quotes remind us that no matter where you work, some things are universally ridiculous 😂. From coworkers with questionable habits 🤦‍♂️ to printers that only break when you’re in a hurry 🖨️, the workplace offers endless comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for sharing with colleagues who appreciate the daily madness 🙃. So grab your coffee ☕, brace for the next unexpected “emergency,” and keep laughing your way through workplace chaos 🤪!