Funny church quotes

• Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

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  2 months ago

  church, cleaner, cleaning, humor, i, job, job loss, loss, lost, removal, stain, stain removal, stains, still, window, window cleaner

• Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

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  2 months ago

  church, eat, food, humor, joke, less, preachy, religion, satire, should

• If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

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  2 months ago

  catholic, Catholic Church, church, crime, crime story, history, humor, i, recommend, recommendation, religious, religious history, story, true, true crime

• Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

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  2 months ago

  church, design, fart, humor, pew, shame, wooden

• I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

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  2 months ago

  church, confession, guilt, humor, i, irony, joke, name, relationship, want

• It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

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  2 months ago

  church, clicking, devil, humor, ignored, irony, procrastination, relaxation, sitting, sleep, Sunday

• My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

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  2 months ago

  apology, church, congregation, funny situation, humor, i, missionary, misunderstanding, situation, volunteers

• All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

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  2 months ago

  belief, church, dog, dogs, heaven, humor, i, irony, never, pets, religion

• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

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  2 months ago

  analogy, belief, car, Christian, church, garage, going, humor, identity

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