Funny church quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

  Commentary:
  Turning water into wine is one thing, but can we turn sermons into brunch? 🍷🥞😇

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  2 months ago

  Share →: If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

  Commentary:
  Centuries of drama, betrayal, and power moves — like Game of Thrones but with incense 💨👑📖

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic dilemma of silent but deadly versus loud and proud in the house of the Lord! 🙊💨 Who knew wooden pews were the ultimate accomplice in amplifying our embarrassments! Remember, a pew is just a bench, but with holy judgment added for extra sass! 😂🔊"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

  Commentary:
  "Making sure even the priest remembers you in prayer 🙏😇! Because a little fame never hurt, right? 😂 #confessiongoals"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic Sunday dilemma – snooze or choose church shoes! 😈👠 Looks like the devil is channeling his inner social media guru today, spreading likes instead of fire and brimstone. Who knew he had such a good eye for content? 😂👹 #SundayFunday #DevilLikes

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone thought they were signing up for a trip to Africa, but ended up at Sunday service instead! 😇🌍 #MissionaryMisadventures"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

  Commentary:
  "Well, maybe they're just not into the paw-fect attendance policy 🐾🐕 Who can blame them though? With all that unconditional love and tail-wagging joy, they've probably already secured a spot in doggy heaven anyway!"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

  Commentary:
  "Remember folks, just like how hanging out in the produce section doesn't turn you into a vegetable 🍅, simply sitting in a pew doesn't automatically grant you 'holier than thou' status! 🙏😄 #TrueFaithGoesBeyondTheBuilding"

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