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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,529

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Just landed via YouTube:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Shared recently on Reddit:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Funny commute quotes

Funny commute quotes 🚗😂 turn those daily traffic jams and crowded subway rides into moments of laughter! Whether you’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper madness or squeezing into a packed train, these witty gems will brighten your journey and make the grind feel a little less grindy. Ready to giggle through the gridlock? Let’s dive into some hilarious truths about the daily hustle! 🚦🤣

New funny commute quotes 👇

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

3 weeks ago

after, aging, commute, drive, driving, extra, hate, home, house, hurry, i, late, making, older, stop, work
When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

3 weeks ago

5, 8, 9, actually, commute, hours, humor, job, management, realize, teleport, teleportation, time, time management, work, work hours
I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

3 weeks ago

coming, commute, daily, daily life, getting, going, home, humor, life, ready, routine, sleep, sleeping, stress, thinking, work
I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

3 weeks ago

bed, commute, distance, frustration, humor, i, longing, miss, sleep, where, why, work
Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

4 weeks ago

car, commute, conversation, hilarious, humor, just, me, morning, myself, self, talking
Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

4 weeks ago

angry, carpool, commute, frustration, humor, i, scream, sorry, time, work
Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

1 month ago

back, commute, frustration, home, humor, i, joke, looks, parking, people, space, today, work
Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

1 month ago

commute, health, mental, mental health, money, paid, public, public transport, saved, saving, stress, time, transport, transportation, Uber, using
My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

1 month ago

bad, bad luck, commute, driving, every, frustration, going, hell, hitting, humor, light, luck, red, red light, super, super talent, talent, traffic, wherever

All funny commute quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Discord this month:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

38 shares on Threads this month:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

74 shares on Threads this month:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

32 shares on Threads this month:

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,721

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Trending via Messenger:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Shared recently on TikTok:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Making waves on Telegram:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Going viral on Snapchat:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Making waves on TikTok:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Live now on Snapchat:

Cool times create cool guys.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴