Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,240

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Spotted on Messenger:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Going viral on WeChat:

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Shared recently on X:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Making waves on Pinterest:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Funny lizard quotes

New funny lizard quotes 👇

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

0

2 months ago

always, cold, conspiracy, humor, little, lizard, lizard person, office, people, person, working, workplace, workplace humor

Someone from 🇮🇳 has recently shared this quote.

12 shares on Snapchat this month.
If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

0

2 months ago

AC, cold, cold preference, heat, humor, invite, keep, lizard, me, please, preference, temperature, terrarium

Someone from 🇫🇲 has recently bookmarked this quote.

38 shares on Discord this month.
I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

0

2 months ago

5, 9, 9 to 5, eat, humor, i, lay, leisure, lifestyle, lizard, pasta, relaxation, sun

Someone from 🇵🇹 has recently copied this quote.

94 shares on Telegram this month.

All funny lizard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Discord this month:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

59 shares on Threads this month:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

66 shares on Slack this month:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Making waves on TikTok:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Live now on Twitch:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Trending via Reddit:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Just landed via Reddit:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Just landed via WeChat:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny lizard quotes

New funny lizard quotes 👇

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

All funny lizard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨