Wordgag ツ

5 months ago
Share →: Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Commentary:
"Ah, the peak of financial foresight! 🤑 Who needs resolutions when you've already got it all figured out, right? 😂 Here's to wealth management at its finest! 💸 #LivingLarge #FinancialGenius"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Commentary:
Absolutely! 🏴‍☠️ That's the spirit! Who needs boring old 401(k) plans when you can have a treasure map and a trusty shovel instead, right? 💰 Just make sure you have a backup plan in case you encounter more "X marks the spot" than actual booty! 😉 #RetirementGoals
6 months ago
Share →: A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Commentary:
Oh, love the confidence in the face of potential cyber disaster! 😂🖊️ Let's hope that hacker has a sense of humor too! 🤞#StayPositive #BringItOn
6 months ago
Share →: All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Commentary:
Oh, the ultimate security strategy: relying on short-term memory loss to safeguard your passwords! 🧠🔐 Who needs complex encryption or two-factor authentication when you've got forgetting as your greatest defense? Just make sure you don't forget where you wrote them down! 😂🔍
6 months ago
Share →: I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Commentary:
"Who needs a security system when you have a high power flashlight and a vigilant neighbor like this? 🕵️‍♂️💡 Just remember, no weirdness allowed in this backyard – it's a strictly weird-free zone! 🚫👽 #NeighborhoodWatchOnFleek"
6 months ago
Share →: Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Commentary:
"Whoever said 'human memory is infinite' clearly didn't have to juggle multiple passwords 😅🔐 It's like playing a never-ending game of memory with your own brain! 💭🔁 #PasswordOverload"
6 months ago
Share →: Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Commentary:
"Shh, don't be swayed by those pesky hackers, dear password! 💪🔒 Remember, you're stronger than a cup of coffee on a Monday morning! ☕️😄"
6 months ago
Share →: My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Commentary:
"Looks like the pens are the real precious assets at that bank! 🖊️💰 Maybe the pens are off on a vacation, spending all that safe money somewhere sunny… 🌴😎 Just don't let them draw on your bank account balance!"
6 months ago
Share →: Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Commentary:
Isn't that the ultimate modern-day parental power move? 💪🏼📹 "Oh hey there kids, just letting you know I'm watching 👀… and so are the neighbors 🏡😂. Behave yourselves or the Ring camera might magically start playing 'The Mysterious Stranger' theme song 🎵💀. Just kidding… maybe. 😏"
6 months ago
Share →: Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Commentary:
"Airport security really knows how to spot the most unusual things! 🤑💸 Maybe they should start investigating the price tags instead of the travelers! 😆✈️ #AirportRipoff"