Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.
  • Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.
  • Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.
  • Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.
  • I’m going to hell in every religion.
  • It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.