New funny job quotes

• Someone needs to build an app called LinkedOut, where employees share what it was really like to work at these companies.

• The fact that LinkedIn wants you to pay for Premium while you’re unemployed and job hunting is insane.

• I love that our generation managed to kill the stereotype that if you have tattoos, you won’t be able to find a job. Now nobody can find a job, whether you have tattoos or not.

• Submitting job applications these days is a lot like when you were younger and you’d write letters to Santa.

• I hate job hunting. Wish I was a nepo baby.

• Any $250k barista jobs? Tired of tech.

• Networking will get you a job faster than your degree will.

• Unemployment will make you forget you’re even educated.

• A new app idea called Linked-Out, where people can post about why they left their toxic workplace.

• Job market is like: Do you want to train AI or be unemployed?

Top funny job quotes

• Quitting my job to pursue my real passion. Kissing my cat on the top of its head.

• Having a job is lowkey a great way to stay hydrated, ’cause you get so bored you start drinking water for fun.

• I miss the days when you could quit your job and have a new one three days later.

• Work beef is so unnecessary, like, just do your job and go home.

• Is there, like, a secret second Indeed where you guys are finding all these office jobs that pay a ton of money?

• It took two days to elect the Pope. It shouldn’t take five interviews over a month to hire someone.

• My office job is a ruse, a cleverly designed adult daycare to prevent me from causing any trouble.

• I hope this email makes you quit your job.

• My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

• “What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Popular funny job quotes

• Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

• Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

• I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

• Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

• Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

• There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

• Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

• I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

• The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

• I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

More funny job quotes

• Happiness is an inside job.

• Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

• Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

• Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

• Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

• Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

• Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

• The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

• Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

• Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

Witty job quotes

• Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

• I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

• I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

• Not participating in humiliation rituals, such as job interviews or modern dating.

• Everyone quit your job and meet me in the park.

• Switching jobs is so scary. What if they use Microsoft Teams instead of Slack?

• As you can see from my résumé, I am proficient in lying.

• Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

• I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

• My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

Punching Out Before You Accidentally Reply All To The Entire Company

We’ve reached the end of our shift, and fortunately, there’s no overtime required to finish this list. 🕔💨 Work is a necessary part of life, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it—or your “professional” title—too seriously when the weekend is finally on the horizon. 🌅🍹 It’s important to remember that you are more than just a job description or a series of completed tasks; you are a complex human being who is mostly just working to fund a very expensive hobby of eating three times a day. 🍕💸 Keep your head down, your coffee strong, and your “out of office” reply ready to go at a moment’s notice. Life is too short to spend every waking hour worrying about a spreadsheet that no one is actually going to look at anyway. Now, go forth and enjoy your freedom—or at least try to make it to your car before someone asks you for “one quick thing”! ✌️😎🚗✨