336 funny job quotes - Wordgag

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

May 24, 2026

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

May 24, 2026

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

May 24, 2026

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

May 24, 2026May 24, 2026

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

May 24, 2026

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

May 24, 2026

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

May 24, 2026

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

May 24, 2026

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

May 24, 2026

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

May 24, 2026

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

May 24, 2026

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

May 24, 2026

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

May 24, 2026

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

May 24, 2026

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

May 24, 2026

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

May 24, 2026

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

May 24, 2026

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

May 24, 2026

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

May 24, 2026

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

May 23, 2026

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

May 23, 2026

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

May 23, 2026

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

May 23, 2026

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

May 23, 2026

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

May 23, 2026

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

May 23, 2026

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

May 23, 2026

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

May 23, 2026

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

May 23, 2026

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

May 23, 2026

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

May 23, 2026

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

May 23, 2026

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

May 23, 2026

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

May 23, 2026

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

May 23, 2026

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

May 23, 2026

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

May 23, 2026

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

May 23, 2026

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

May 23, 2026

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

May 23, 2026