New funny myself quotes

• I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

• Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

• In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

• Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

• Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

• I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

• I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

• Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

• One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Top funny myself quotes

• Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

• Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

• “Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

• I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

• Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

• Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

• I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

• My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

• I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

• My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Popular funny myself quotes

• “I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

• I need a day off from myself.

• I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

• Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

• Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

• Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

• (Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

• Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

• I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

• My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

More funny myself quotes

• I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

• I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

• I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

• I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

• Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

• I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

• Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

• I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

• If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Witty myself quotes

• Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

• ‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

• I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

• When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

• I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

• “You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

• The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

• I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

• Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Funny myself quotes remind us that nobody can mess with us like we mess with ourselves 😂. Whether it’s overthinking everything 🤯, hyping yourself up for no reason 🎤, or making questionable choices you knew were bad but did anyway 🤣, dealing with myself never gets boring. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that being stuck with yourself 24/7 comes with a lot of laughs 🙃. So embrace your quirks, enjoy the nonsense, and keep laughing at yourself 🤪!