New funny person quotes

• Concerts will have you staring at the taller person in front of you, wondering why they were born.

• Pretending you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel uncomfortable is a level of empathy not everyone will understand.

• Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

• The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

• It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

• “You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

• Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

• You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

• Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

• I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Top funny person quotes

• I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

• “There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

• It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

• Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

• Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

• I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

• Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

• Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

• It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

• When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Popular funny person quotes

• “I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

• I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

• Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

• A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

• You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

• Old people won’t listen to you, but will trust a scam caller with their whole chest.

• Type of person to take the long way home just to listen to more music.

• Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

• If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

• Dear algorithm, please show this post only to smart people with a refined sense of beauty.

More funny person quotes

• I am a firm believer that singing ‘Slide Away’ at the top of your lungs changes you as a person.

• Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

• Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

• I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

• I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

• One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

• There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

• The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

• I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

• Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Witty person quotes

• The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

• Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

• I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

• Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

• Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

• Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

• The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

• Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

• Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

• I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Acknowledging Your Status As A Human Being Before You Try To Be A Superhero

We’ve reached the final page of our field guide to the human individual, and hopefully, it has made you feel a little better about your own personal brand of nonsense. 🧬👟 Being a “person” is a lot of pressure, especially when you realize that everyone else is also just winging it and hoping no one notices they’re wearing their shirt inside out. 👕🔄 It’s important to remember that you don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea; you just have to be your own favorite flavor of weird. ☕️👅 The most interesting people aren’t the ones who follow all the rules, but the ones who have at least three stories that start with “so, I probably shouldn’t have done this, but…” 🗣️🚫 Keep being the kind of person that makes life interesting, even if it’s just because you’re the one who always knows where the best snacks are hidden. Now, go forth and be the best version of yourself—or at least a version that remembers to hydrate and occasionally go outside for some sunlight! ✌️😎☀️✨