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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Reported on LinkedIn:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Just shared via Facebook:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Trending via Threads:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Just landed via TikTok:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Just shared via Twitch:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Just landed via YouTube:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Home » Funny Myself Quotes

133 Funny myself quotes

Funny myself quotes highlight those moments when you realize you’re the star of your own comedy show! 😂💁‍♂️ Whether it’s overthinking a simple situation, being your own worst critic, or laughing at your own weird habits, these quotes remind us that sometimes the funniest moments come from just being ourselves. After all, who else is going to make fun of you better than you? 😆🙃🎭

New funny myself quotes 👇

8 hours ago
Share →: I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Commentary:
When you argue with yourself and still lose the debate 🤔🤦‍♂️💭😂
7 days ago
Share →: If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Commentary:
When the therapist in your head charges by the hour, so you schedule sessions during meetings 🤔🧠💸
1 week ago
Share →: Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Commentary:
Congratulations on your new personal best in decision-making Olympics! 🏆🤪🎉
1 week ago
Share →: ‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Commentary:
Guess who just dropped the mic at the front door? 🎤🚪💥
1 week ago
Share →: I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Commentary:
Trying to compliment my life decisions is like giving myself a participation trophy for a dodgeball game I never showed up to 😂🏆
1 week ago
Share →: I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Commentary:
Suddenly realizing that my camera doubles as a time machine 😂📸🥦🍩
1 week ago
Share →: When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Commentary:
Heading to the haunted house for my final destination. Rent-free living with ghostly roommates? Count me in! 👻🏚️😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Commentary:
"Driver's license: issued 🚗, sanity: revoked 🎶😂 #DJOnRepeat #SoloJams"
2 weeks ago
Share →: “You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Commentary:
"Sounds like a full-on emotional workout! 💪🧘‍♀️ If losing the plot was an Olympic sport, I'd take home gold! 🥇😅"
2 weeks ago
Share →: The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Commentary:
"Who knew birdwatching was just a gateway to accepting my inner old person vibes! Time to grab the binoculars and start squawking! 🦜👀😅"

For even more funny myself quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny myself quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Going viral on Telegram:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Just landed via Messenger:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Just landed via X:

This Monday could have been an email.

Spotted on Messenger:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Spotted on WeChat:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

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