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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

186 Funny myself quotes

Funny myself quotes highlight those moments when you realize you’re the star of your own comedy show! 😂💁‍♂️ Whether it’s overthinking a simple situation, being your own worst critic, or laughing at your own weird habits, these quotes remind us that sometimes the funniest moments come from just being ourselves. After all, who else is going to make fun of you better than you? 😆🙃🎭

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I need a day off from myself.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Going no contact with myself.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

When I feel stupid, I like to remind myself that I got my bachelor’s degree without ChatGPT.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

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