New funny say quotes

• You can just say “okay” when someone tells you to do something and not do it. I learned that from men.

• The second you put your headphones on, suddenly everybody has something important to say to you.

• I saw someone say, “No spoilers for The Odyssey.” Brother, you’ve had 3,000 years to read the book.

• Men will say, “At least I’m not selling my body,” and then join the military.

• I would say I’m pretty chill, as long as I don’t get irritated in any form whatsoever.

• When I say I feel like Barbie, I mean my hip is making a clicking sound.

• Newish parents: teaching your toddler to say “behold” instead of “look” unlocks a whole new level of hilarity.

• When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

• The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

• You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Top funny say quotes

• I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

• Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

• Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

• When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

• I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

• I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

• Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

• If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

• “A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

• Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Popular funny say quotes

• My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

• They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

• If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

• Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

• People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

• A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

• If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

• I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

• “It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

• Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

More funny say quotes

• People say 70-80 year olds are unemployable because of mental decline, yet somehow they’re running all the countries.

• Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

• People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

• What does international law say about a third Margarita?

• Men used to go to war. Now they say, “Hey, Grok.”

• I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

• They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

• If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

• I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

• No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Witty say quotes

• Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

• Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

• Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

• One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

• People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

• That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

• I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

• They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

• As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

• Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Biting Your Tongue Before You Dig An Even Deeper Hole

That’s the final word on all the ridiculous things we utter just to keep the conversation moving or to avoid a total social meltdown. 🚫🗣️ If these quotes reminded you of a specific “foot-in-mouth” moment from your past, take comfort in the fact that everyone else is too busy worrying about their own embarrassing stories to remember yours. 👣👄 Communication is a tricky business, and sometimes the best thing you can say is absolutely nothing at all—though that doesn’t make for a very good blog post. So, keep talking, keep joking, and remember that if you can’t say something nice, at least make sure it’s funny enough to get a laugh! Now, go forth and tell someone something they didn’t need to know—just try to keep it under the legal limit for awkwardness! ✌️😎📢✨