New funny someone quotes

• I love when someone says, “This is gonna sound weird,” because finally we’re getting somewhere.

• You can just say “okay” when someone tells you to do something and not do it. I learned that from men.

• It feels so unethical to pursue a platonic friendship with someone that I’m extremely attracted to.

• I saw someone say, “No spoilers for The Odyssey.” Brother, you’ve had 3,000 years to read the book.

• It’s so cute when you talk to someone a lot, and you notice your phrases slowly slipping into their vocabulary.

• Just because someone else is stupid, doesn’t mean you’re not.

• Someone should invent a version of Outlook that can search for emails and find them.

• It took two days to elect the Pope. It shouldn’t take five interviews over a month to hire someone.

• Have you ever listened to someone and realized their frontal lobe hasn’t finished marinating yet?

• There is someone sleeping under me on the other side of the earth. They are tossing and turning, and I find it very disruptive, like a pea under many mattresses.

Top funny someone quotes

• You’ll be having the worst time of your life, and someone will video call you.

• When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

• I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

• I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

• It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

• I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

• Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

• As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

• I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

• If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

Popular funny someone quotes

• Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

• Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

• Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

• Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

• I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

• Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

• Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

• Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

• It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

• But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

More funny someone quotes

• Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

• That looks like a problem for someone else.

• What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

• Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

• Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

• The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

• I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

• Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

• Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

• Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Witty someone quotes

• Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

• Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

• Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

• No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

• The Boomers are starting to realize that selling what they have requires someone to buy it.

• Corporate life is watching someone get promoted and suddenly develop a new personality in meetings.

• Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

• Someone at work is gonna suggest you download Outlook and Teams on your phone, and it’s very important that you don’t listen to them.

• Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

• The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Walking Away Before Someone Asks You To Help Them Move This Weekend

We’ve reached the end of our tribute to the people who make life a little more chaotic and a lot more entertaining. 🎢🚶‍♂️ If these quotes reminded you of a certain “someone” in your life, feel free to send this to them—or, if you’re feeling brave, just stare at them meaningfully until they get the hint. 👁️😏 It’s important to remember that for every person who gets on your nerves, you are likely the “someone” who is currently getting on theirs. It’s a beautiful, circular mess of human interaction that keeps the world from getting too boring. Now, go out there and be that “someone” who brightens a room—preferably by bringing snacks or a really good story! ✌️😎🍕✨