Commentary:
Always nice to find someone who cares about both your appetite and your appetite for adventure! 🍽️😂
533 Funny someone quotes
I love when someone says, “This is gonna sound weird,” because finally we’re getting somewhere.
Commentary:
Finally, we're on the express train to Weirdsville! 🚂😆✨
You can just say “okay” when someone tells you to do something and not do it. I learned that from men.
Commentary:
When someone tells me to adult, I just hit them with an "okay" and continue my Netflix marathon. 😎📺 #LifeHacks
It feels so unethical to pursue a platonic friendship with someone that I’m extremely attracted to.
Commentary:
Trying to be platonic while my heart’s doing the Macarena 😂💃🕺
I saw someone say, “No spoilers for The Odyssey.” Brother, you’ve had 3,000 years to read the book.
Commentary:
Odysseus himself got home faster than you’ve read it! 📖⏳
It’s so cute when you talk to someone a lot, and you notice your phrases slowly slipping into their vocabulary.
Commentary:
It's like being a contagiously charming word ninja! 🥷💬😂
Just because someone else is stupid, doesn’t mean you’re not.
Commentary:
Brains are like wifi signals—sometimes they're just not connecting! 📶🤔
Someone should invent a version of Outlook that can search for emails and find them.
Commentary:
When Outlook finally finds my emails, I'll probably just find a week's worth of unread newsletters 📬🔍🤣
It took two days to elect the Pope. It shouldn’t take five interviews over a month to hire someone.
Commentary:
If the Vatican can do it in 48 hours, why does my job hunt feel like a season of Survivor? 🤔⏳🗳️
Have you ever listened to someone and realized their frontal lobe hasn’t finished marinating yet?
Commentary:
When their brain is still al dente 🤔🍝🧠