“Something” is the most versatile word in the English language, mostly because we use it as a placeholder for all the nouns our brains have successfully deleted from our memory banks. 🧠🧹 It’s the “something” you need from the kitchen that you immediately forget once you walk through the doorway, and the “something” stuck in your teeth that your best friend is too polite to tell you about. 🦷🥦 We spend our lives waiting for “something” big to happen, only to realize that life is actually just a million little “somethings” happening all at once—like a weird noise coming from your car engine or that “something” you definitely shouldn’t have said in a professional email. 🚗📉 Whether you’re looking for “something” to wear in a closet full of clothes or you just have a nagging feeling that you’re supposed to be “something” better than a person who watches six hours of true crime on a Tuesday, we’ve got you covered. 😂🎭 From the “something” old to the “something” blue (usually your bank account balance), we’ve gathered 50 of the funniest quotes about the mysterious, the vague, and the hilariously specific. 😂🔍✨
New funny something quotes
- Pretending you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel uncomfortable is a level of empathy not everyone will understand.
- You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.
- Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…
- They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.
- I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.
- Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.
- A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.
- The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.
- Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.
- Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).
Top funny something quotes
- Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.
- I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.
- A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.
- Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.
- No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.
- Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.
- Nothing humbles you faster than rereading something you were proud of yesterday.
- If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.
- Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.
- And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.
Popular funny something quotes
- The amount of people who “find God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.
- In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.
- Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.
- There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.
- I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?
- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.
- I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.
- If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.
- I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.
- I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.
More funny something quotes
- Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.
- I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.
- I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.
- Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?
- I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.
- Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.
- Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.
- When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’
- Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.
- “Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?
Witty something quotes
- Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.
- When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.
- Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.
- I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.
- If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.
- “Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.
- Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.
- Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.
- I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.
- Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.
Remembering That Specific Thing Just As You’re About To Fall Asleep
The mystery of what “something” actually is might never be solved, but at least we can laugh while we’re looking for it under the couch cushions. 🕵️♂️🛋️ It is a strange human experience to know that you are meant for “something” great, while simultaneously being the person who can’t find their own shoes in a two-room apartment. 👟🏠 Life is less about having a perfect plan and more about stumbling into “something” interesting while you were busy trying to do “something” else entirely. Keep your eyes peeled and your expectations loose, because the best parts of your day are often the “somethings” that weren’t even on the schedule. Now, go forth and do “something”—or just keep doing nothing, which is technically “something” if you try hard enough to justify it! ✌️😎✨🧩