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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,823

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The void screams into me.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Just shared via Reddit:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Making waves on X:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Just shared via X:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Trending via YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Funny good news quotes

Funny good news quotes bring a burst of laughter 😂 and sunshine ☀️ to even the dullest updates. When you want to share happiness with a twist of humor 😄, these witty lines turn great news into unforgettable moments 🎉. Whether it’s a tiny win or big celebration, a sprinkle of comedy keeps the vibes high and smiles wide 😎. Ready to brighten your day with some hilarious positivity? Let’s dive in! 🎈✨

New funny good news quotes 👇

All funny good news quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

My parents think they know me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,873

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Going viral on Twitch:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Just landed via Threads:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Trending via Telegram:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

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