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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Meow means woof in cat.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

52 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Messenger:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Trending via YouTube:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Breaking via Reddit:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Going viral on Slack:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Shared recently on Threads:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Home » Funny Selfish Quotes

Funny selfish quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

52 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Making waves on YouTube:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Trending via Discord:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Reported on WeChat:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Making waves on Instagram:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Seen just now on Discord:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

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