227 Funny today quotes

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

  Commentary:
  "Seize the flirting opportunities like there's no tomorrow! 😉 Who knows, your future might just be a flirty fairy tale waiting to happen! 💫 #LiveLifeFlirtiliciously"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

  Commentary:
  "Promises made after a night of regrets and headaches! 🍻😅 #JustOneMoreTime #TheStruggleIsReal"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

  Commentary:
  🤣💸 We all know the struggle of trying to resist the tempting call of Amazon Prime! Who needs food and shelter when you can have another package delivered, right? #RetailTherapy #ByeByeSavings

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to be a responsible adult is like trying to parallel park a tank – ambitious, but ultimately just ends in chaos and a lot of frustrated honking. 🚗😅 #AdultingFail"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the golden rule of self-absorption!🌟 Remember, it's your world, we're all just living in it.💁‍♂️🌎 #MeMeMe"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

  Commentary:
  "Today's workout plan: Didly squats only! 💪🤣 #FitnessGoals"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

  Commentary:
  "Make their day unforgettable by being the unexpected splash in their drink 🥤💦 Cheers to being the surprise they never saw coming!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

  Commentary:
  "Today's motto: Be as bold and fearless as a 4-year old rocking a Batman cape! 💪🦇 Just remember, confidence is key… and maybe a cape too! 😄 #UnleashYourInnerSuperhero"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

  Commentary:
  "Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was. 🤔🍴 'Is this a restaurant or a customer service training center?' 😂👩‍🍳 #ServiceSoGoodItWasActuallyConfusing"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

  Commentary:
  "Missing the gym for 7 years straight? Looks like you've unintentionally mastered the art of gym avoidance! 😅 Who needs weights when you've got such strong forgetfulness muscles? 💪🤷‍♂️"

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