Commentary:
Time flies when you're procrastinating like a pro! 😅⏳✌️
287 Funny today quotes
Not today, Satan, but next week works.
Commentary:
Sounds good, Satan—I'll pencil you in for next Tuesday! 📅😈😂
Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.
Commentary:
When you think you're on a romantic stroll but accidentally sign up for a marathon 🏃♂️🏃♀️💨
We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”
Commentary:
I'm feeling way too great to be productive today 😄🌞 Calling in for a spontaneous day of self-care and laughter! 🎉✌️
A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.
Commentary:
Escaping online used to be my hobby, now escaping offline is my survival skill! 😆🔌🌍
Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?
Commentary:
Sounds like we all deserve a "Survived Today" medal – participation trophies for everyone! 🏆🎉😊
I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.
Commentary:
The struggle is real when your inside voice wants to become your outside voice 😂🤐
“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”
Commentary:
Every time I leave the house, I'm reminded why sweatpants exist 😂🙈
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.
Commentary:
Sounds like Linda made a great lunch companion, but she was a little hard to digest! 🥪😂🙈
I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.
Commentary:
What a brilliant plan! Time to let my brain go on a mini-vacation! 🌴🧠😅