Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

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Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

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Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

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Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

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Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

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When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

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And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

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I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

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Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

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If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

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Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.