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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6104 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 22, 2026

 

 

 

 

14494 Funny humor quotes

Funny humor quotes are the ultimate way to double down on laughter! 😄🎉 Whether it’s clever wordplay, witty one-liners, or absurd observations, these quotes are proof that humor is the best medicine — and luckily, it doesn’t come with side effects (except maybe snorting in public). Get ready to LOL your way through this collection! 😂🧠✨

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

This meeting could have been a cake.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Drive like no one is watching.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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