Drake makes music for people that sigh until you ask them what’s wrong. Posted onJun 2, 2026Jun 2, 2026
At the strip club, sighing loudly until the stripper asks what’s wrong. Posted onJun 2, 2026Jun 2, 2026
Shoutout to everyone who doesn’t speak in the morning, and giving others time to defrost. Posted onMay 31, 2026May 31, 2026
You’ll be having the worst time of your life, and someone will video call you. Posted onMay 30, 2026May 30, 2026
Root beer tastes like the way Abraham Lincoln looks, and I can’t explain that. Posted onMay 30, 2026May 30, 2026
I’m trying to be less condescending. I bet you don’t even know what that means. Posted onMay 30, 2026May 30, 2026
I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking? Posted onMay 30, 2026
Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds. Posted onMay 30, 2026
My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything. Posted onMay 30, 2026
When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed. Posted onMay 30, 2026
People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone? Posted onMay 30, 2026