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When the horses went home, they were all like, "Did you get paid in carrots too, or did just neighbody pay us?" 🐴🎬😂
Author Archives: slickboy
Gum technology has completely stagnated. No progression in decades. The flavor should last a minimum of 8 hours by now. Ludicrous!
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Looks like scientists are stuck in a sticky situation trying to crack the gum code! 🍬⏳🔍
There is no bigger humiliation ritual than being bad at something you really, really want to do.
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When I'm bad at something I want to do, I just play it off like it's the latest performance art piece. 🎭😅
Today I spoke to an older male lawyer in the same tone he was using with me. Do y’all wanna guess whether he liked that?
Commentary:
Looks like someone just discovered the magical art of giving a taste of their own medicine! 👩⚖️🔄👨⚖️💥
Sex in 2009: take off your shirt and the long-sleeve shirt underneath it.
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Ah, the layering method of seduction – unwrapping like a human taco 🌮😂🧥
Putting your phone away to watch TV counts as meditation now.
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Who knew "zen" could be spelled with Netflix and chill 📺😌📱
Amazon Prime is hands down the worst streaming service. Like, “Thanks for subscribing, here is a list of movies you need a different subscription for.”
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Who knew paying for one subscription meant unlocking the secret menu of subscriptions? 🍿🔐😂
Took my own lunch to work and didn’t buy a coffee today, so I should be able to afford to buy a house any day now.
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Saving like this, it's only a matter of time before I can buy a mansion…or maybe just a fancy cup of coffee. 🏡☕😂
What doesn’t kill you makes your eyes well up on public transport.
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When life gives you awkward sniffles on the bus, just blame it on the onions in your bag! 🧅😂🚍
Remembering when The Walking Dead killed off Carl because his actor turned 18, and they didn’t wanna pay him an adult salary.
Commentary:
Guess Carl learned the hard way that growing up is truly the scariest thing in a zombie apocalypse! 😅🎂🧟♂️