Kiss her in the middle of an argument. Girls love that. They think they’re in a Korean drama. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
One of my friends bought a pair of Meta glasses, so the whole friend group started referring to him as “the pervert,” until he got rid of them. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
Scrolling through Netflix feels like you’re on a parody of a streaming service. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
Met a guy recently named Jonathan who goes by Nathan. I didn’t even know you could do that. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
Sometimes you’re eating a salad, and it feels like it’s never going to end. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
There is someone sleeping under me on the other side of the earth. They are tossing and turning, and I find it very disruptive, like a pea under many mattresses. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
They should make a grocery store exclusively for people with spatial awareness. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
True friendship is allowing a certain level of ghosting to go unmentioned. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
Constantly saying “long story short” with absolutely no intention of shortening the story, whatsoever. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
In the next World Cup, 64 national teams will participate, and Argentina will play against the Vatican, Disneyland, and Narnia. Posted onJun 29, 2026Jun 29, 2026
Capri Sun packages were designed to teach kids how to do emergency tracheotomies. Posted onJun 19, 2026Jun 19, 2026
Drake makes music for people that sigh until you ask them what’s wrong. Posted onJun 2, 2026Jun 2, 2026
At the strip club, sighing loudly until the stripper asks what’s wrong. Posted onJun 2, 2026Jun 2, 2026
Shoutout to everyone who doesn’t speak in the morning, and giving others time to defrost. Posted onMay 31, 2026May 31, 2026
You’ll be having the worst time of your life, and someone will video call you. Posted onMay 30, 2026May 30, 2026
Root beer tastes like the way Abraham Lincoln looks, and I can’t explain that. Posted onMay 30, 2026May 30, 2026
I’m trying to be less condescending. I bet you don’t even know what that means. Posted onMay 30, 2026May 30, 2026
I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking? Posted onMay 30, 2026
Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.” Posted onMay 30, 2026