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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New funny quotes: 89 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 18, 2026

 

 

 

 

Author: slickboy

Welcome! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our huge collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Deleting my Call of Duty account so the army can’t see my potential, and I don’t get drafted.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Being underestimated is my favorite plot twist.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Hobbies include opening and closing apps.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Spring is coming, and suddenly everyone remembers they enjoy life.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

I post for my other personalities. They’re huge fans.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

The official signal to go to sleep isn’t yawning. It’s dropping your phone directly onto your own face.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

No substance I ever used was abused. It was loved.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

There was a time when Marilyn Manson was the scariest concept in America.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Always the drunk texter, never the drunk textee.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Going no contact with myself.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Smoking a cigarette and holding it with both hands.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

I plan to live forever. So far, so good.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

“Babe” is an insane name; please refer to me as Supreme Leader.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Moved the International Law book to the fiction section in the library.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

If I open a restaurant, there won’t be a menu. You will get what you deserve.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

As you can see from my rΓ©sumΓ©, I am proficient in lying.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

FlightRadar24 would’ve blown the lid off of D-Day.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Ouch! My cognitive decline.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

I was into the moon before it was even full.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

My only issue with Ozempic is that some of y’all are taking it before considering the fact that you have a naturally large head.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m watching Lord of the Rings and contributing to the declining birth rate.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

When you get to a certain age, your body becomes so disrespectful.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

First in my bloodline to scroll Twitter for hours.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Due to personal reasons, I will not be reincarnating on Earth again.

Posted onMay 18, 2026May 18, 2026

Why do DJs always act like their knobs are hot?

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Explain it to me like I’m a Neanderthal.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Squirrels always look and act like it’s their first day being a squirrel.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Born to read books, forced to be a participating member of society.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

I love when the plot thickens.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

So my wife goes, “It’s not you β€” it’s me.” Obviously written by ChatGPT.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Why be pretty when you can be pretty weird?

Posted onMay 18, 2026

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

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