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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,363

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Live now on Instagram:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Seen just now on X:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Live now on YouTube:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Trending via Discord:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Freshly posted on Slack:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

2 months ago

0

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so you're the zoo's wild card, huh? 🦁🐒 Better keep a close eye on this one, folks! Don't let them near the keys to the cages or we might have a real-life Animal Kingdom situation on our hands! 🗝️🦓🐍🤪 #AnimalLiberationAtAnyCost

animals, me, release, trust, zoo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

0

2 months ago

best, chair, humor, job, perspective, thing, work, workplace
Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

0

2 months ago

30, dating, hide, hide and seek, humor, loneliness, looking, past, past 30, relationship, seek, single
Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

0

5 months ago

age, communication, culture, generation, humor, identity, language, let, nostalgia, nothing, refuse, slang
No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

0

2 months ago

age, empty, household, humor, kitchen, matter, observation, old, roll, telescope
As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

1

2 months ago

activity, dip, food, happy, i, joy, snack, something
A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

0

2 months ago

communication, expression, humor, sigh, speak, woman, words

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Telegram this month:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

48 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

37 shares on Discord this month:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to consult the woods about this.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,601

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Spotted on Pinterest:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Seen just now on Threads:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Just landed via X:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Going bananas on Slack:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Spotted on Telegram:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Shared recently on Messenger:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

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