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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,752

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Spotted on Facebook:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Going viral on WeChat:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Going viral on Threads:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Breaking via Twitch:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Just landed via X:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Live now on Messenger:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Spotted on Reddit:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Just shared via TikTok:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

3 days ago

Playful quote about trust and zoo antics, highlighting humorous mischief.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so you're the zoo's wild card, huh? 🦁🐒 Better keep a close eye on this one, folks! Don't let them near the keys to the cages or we might have a real-life Animal Kingdom situation on our hands! 🗝️🦓🐍🤪 #AnimalLiberationAtAnyCost

animals, me, release, trust, zoo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

57 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

69 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

27 shares on X this month:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

47 shares on Threads this month:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

100 shares on X this month:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

The void screams into me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a break from me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,709

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Trending via Discord:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Just shared via Twitch:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Breaking via Instagram:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

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