Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Just landed via Telegram:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Shared recently on Instagram:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Trending via Instagram:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, guess I'd better cross "petty revenge" off my resume's skills section! 🤨😅

answer, apparently, funny response, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate answer, interview, interview question, job, job interview, motivation, question, response, spite

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

0

2 months ago

animal, fan, heatwave, hot, humor, i, just, nature, nut, nuts, saw, squirrel, summer
I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

0

1 month ago

communication, entertainment, foreign, foreign language, humor, i, just, know, language, languages, listening, misunderstanding, music, sometimes, speak, talking
I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

0

2 months ago

dislike, humor, i, mature, maturity, Monday, routine, week, whole, work
Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

0

2 months ago

excuse, fantasy, gap, help, Hobbits, humor, interview, job, job interview, lie, Mordor, resume, ring, something, take, tell
I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad girl, confidence, everything, girl, humor, i, joke, relationship, self-deprecation, well, wit
When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

0

2 months ago

comfort, couch, dr., Dr. Seuss, humor, place, relaxation, seuss

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

51 shares on X this month:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

13 shares on Telegram this month:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

What are cats even trying to do?

Seen just now on Facebook:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Live now on Reddit:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Going viral on YouTube:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Making waves on X:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Going bananas on Threads:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Seen just now on Discord:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨