Trendy Funny Quotes

  • “Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.
  • I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.
  • I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.
  • Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”
  • Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.
  • The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.