Trendy Funny Quotes

  • This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.
  • I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.
  • Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.
  • Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.
  • Everything will kill you so pick something fun.
  • Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.