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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Broadcasted on X:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Seen just now on Slack:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Shared recently on Facebook:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Just landed via Discord:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Just shared via WeChat:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote comparing being an only child to The Shining's eerie vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, The Shining truly captured the unique experience of being an only child – all those sibling-free corridors to ride your tricycle through! 🚲 No fighting over the remote or arguing about who ate the last slice of pizza. Just you, your thoughts, and maybe a haunted hotel. 😅 #OnlyChildVibes"

being, boy, child, childhood, horror, isolation, nail, only, only child, shining, sibling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Live now on YouTube:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Going viral on Instagram:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Shared recently on Slack:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Spotted on TikTok:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

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