103 funny child quotes - Wordgag

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

May 30, 2026

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

May 30, 2026

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

May 30, 2026

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

May 30, 2026

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

May 30, 2026

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

May 30, 2026

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

May 30, 2026

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

May 30, 2026

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

May 30, 2026

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

May 30, 2026

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

May 30, 2026

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

May 30, 2026

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

May 30, 2026

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

May 29, 2026

The inner child in me is open-mouth coughing on the inner child in you.

May 29, 2026

The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

May 29, 2026

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

May 29, 2026

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

May 29, 2026

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

May 29, 2026

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

May 29, 2026

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

May 29, 2026

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

May 29, 2026

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

May 28, 2026

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

May 28, 2026

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

May 28, 2026

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

May 28, 2026

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

May 28, 2026

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

May 28, 2026

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

May 28, 2026

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

May 28, 2026

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

May 28, 2026

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

May 28, 2026

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

May 28, 2026

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

May 28, 2026

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

May 27, 2026

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

May 27, 2026

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

May 27, 2026

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

May 27, 2026

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

May 27, 2026

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

May 27, 2026