34 Funny bank quotes

Trending Funny Bank Quotes 🔥

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.
Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”
I run a parody bank account.
Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.
It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

More funny bank quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Commentary:
"Looks like Santa's workshop had a budget cut this year! 🎅💸 Time to spread some goodwill… through virtual hugs! 🤗💸 #BrokeSanta #HugsForChristmas"
5 months ago
Share →: I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Commentary:
Oh no, your bank account has been slimming down like it's on a weight loss medication! 💸💊 Looks like it's in for a bit of a financial detox! 😂 #BankAccountGoals
5 months ago
Share →: It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Commentary:
Oh, wouldn't that be the dream! 💸💰 Laundry day could turn into payday real quick! 🧺💸 Perhaps we need to start throwing some spare change in with the socks… or convince the bank that dirty clothes are a form of deposit! 😅💼
5 months ago
Share →: I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Commentary:
"Teaching life lessons one board game at a time! 🎲💸 Who knew Monopoly could be so educational? 😂 #ParentingWin #MoneyMatters"
5 months ago
Share →: My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Commentary:
"Looks like the pens are the real precious assets at that bank! 🖊️💰 Maybe the pens are off on a vacation, spending all that safe money somewhere sunny… 🌴😎 Just don't let them draw on your bank account balance!"
5 months ago
Share →: How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Commentary:
Well, it's not like you can leave a voicemail saying, "Sorry, I'm not feeling very productive today." 🙈💦 Just imagine the awkwardness of that phone call – "Hello, yes, I need to cancel my reservation at the sperm bank… No, no reason in particular, I'm just feeling a bit… drained?" 😂 It definitely raises some intriguing logistical questions!
5 months ago
Share →: If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Commentary:
"Solid advice! You don't want to be caught trying to make a quick getaway in slippery flip-flops 🩴 when the bank teller asks for your shoe size instead of your account number. Safety first, fashion second! 💰🏃‍♂️💃"
5 months ago
Share →: It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Commentary:
"Looks like I'll be trading in my calculator for a ski mask! 💸🔫 Just kidding, I'll stick to legal ways to boost my bank balance…for now! 😂💼 #ImTooPrettyForPrison"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Commentary:
"Living on the edge with that 'faith-based banking' strategy, huh? 🙏💳 Just remember: even miracles have limits! 😂💸 #DivineDebit"
5 months ago
Share →: Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Commentary:
💸💡 "In order to protect your precious bank account from the dangers of impulsive spending, why not enlist the services of a wise old bridge troll? Their riddles will keep your wallet safe and your budget in check! Just remember, if the answer to the riddle is 'buy now, buy later, or buy never,' maybe reconsider that purchase! 🌉🧙‍♂️"