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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1846 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,008

Funny Quotes Topics

14,804

Funny Quotes Images

12,008

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Just landed via Slack:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Shared recently on X:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Spotted on Twitch:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Home » Funny Getting Quotes » Page 5

216 Funny getting quotes

More funny getting quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Commentary:
Looks like the ears have taken over as the new hair hotspots! 🧑‍🦲👂✂️
2 weeks ago
Share →: The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Commentary:
"Oops, I think I just scrolled back to the dinosaur era. 🦖🗓️ #Vintage"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Commentary:
"Witchcraft: Removed 'thou' broom, added 'thy' algorithm! 🧙‍♀️🤖🔥 #NotAWitchJustTechy"
2 weeks ago
Share →: This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Commentary:
"Why adult when you can just 'nap-tivate'? 😂✨ #LifeGoals 🛌💤"
2 weeks ago
Share →: True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Commentary:
"When you answer just one question, you're not dodging bullets—you're running a marathon in a minefield! 🏃‍♂️💥😅"
2 weeks ago
Share →: After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of adulthood where pulling an all-nighter means making it to morning without a bathroom break! 🚽🌙😴"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Commentary:
"Living my best life one french fry at a time! 🍟😂 #Goals"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Commentary:
"Finally, peace and quiet! Now to enjoy my 'lottery winnings' by not sharing the remote. 🎉📺 #LivingTheDream"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Commentary:
"When your pen gets more love than your social life. 😅✒️ #PenPalsForLife"
1 month ago
Share →: At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Commentary:
"Rise and shine… or should I say ‘flush and dash’? 😂🚽☀️"

For even more funny getting quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny getting quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Just shared via Messenger:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Spotted on Discord:

My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Going viral on Threads:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Seen just now on Messenger:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Spotted on X:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Making waves on Telegram:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

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Activity Log ✨

216 Funny getting quotes

More funny getting quotes 👇

For even more funny getting quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny getting quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

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