Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.