I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Commentary:
Who knew a spontaneous click could lead to a complete identity makeover! 🌲👔 Good thing the algorithm has got your back on this lumberjack journey. Just remember to carry an axe with you next time you brave the digital forest of online shopping!🪓 #InstaLumberjack

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Commentary:
"Who needs therapy when you can correct grammar and feel superior for free online? Take that, high prices! 💸💁‍♂️ #GrammarPolice"

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Commentary:
"Who needs haunted houses when you have your archived chats on WhatsApp lurking in the shadows? 🌚👻 #SpookyConversations"

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Commentary:
Oops, she got caught in the social media rabbit hole 🕳️📱, and ended up not just window shopping, but car shopping! 🚗 That accidental double-tap probably had Toyota feeling like they're one step closer to making a sale! 😂 #ShoppingGoals #InstaFail

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Commentary:
"Hot singles in your area! 🌶️💔 They're like elusive unicorns – tempting but always out of reach. Better luck next time, champ! 😜"

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Commentary:
Well, talk about standing out from the crowd on Bumble! 🦹‍♂️ Who knew a dark sense of humor could attract so much attention? 👀 Remember, it's all fun and games until someone brings a chainsaw to the first date! 🔪😂 Just another day in the unpredictable world of online dating! 📱💔

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Commentary:
"Ah, the majestic sight of virtual battles unfolding! 🕊️💻 Remember, folks, keep calm and let those online adversaries unknowingly contribute to the soaring population of middle fingers in our digital world. Fly high, you rebellious little digits! 🖕😂"

My acting reel includes clips of me "listening" during Zoom meetings.

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Commentary:
"Oh, the award-winning performance of nodding and smiling, truly captivating the audience of none 😉👏 Who needs an Oscar when you have mastered the art of pretending to listen in virtual meetings? 🎬🤣 #ZoomLife"

I know I'm almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Commentary:
"Well, at least you'll have cozy feet to comfort you in your mid-life crisis 😄🧦 #SocksOverStress #RetailTherapy"

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Commentary:
"Applying for a job online is like sending your resume into a black hole and then getting interviewed like you were hand-picked by the heavens above 🌟💼 It's like, hey, I applied because I need a job and you had openings – it's not rocket science! 🚀😂"