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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Trending via Pinterest:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Shared recently on Slack:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

99 Funny watching quotes

More funny watching quotes 👇

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

1 day ago

city, damage, humor, infrastructure, infrastructure damage, movie, movie night, night, stress, superhero, superhero movie, trying, watch, watching, watching movie
Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

1 day ago

able, add, after, blooper, bloopers, comedy, film, horror, horror movie, joke, main, movie, scare, should, sleep, watching
I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

1 day ago

binge, binge-watching, control, fingerprint, fingerprints, humor, i, law, Law and Order, much, order, remote, remote control, turn, TV, watch, watching, wipe
Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

1 day ago

else, hilarious, holding, humor, longer, microwave, microwave minute, minute, patience, phone, someone, sure, time, video, watching, while
Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

2 days ago

activity, art, fun, fun activity, hangout, lost, lost art, music, music video, relaxation, smoking, smoking weed, video, videos, watching, weed
It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

2 days ago

arm, arm rest, awkward, awkward moment, both, funny moment, got, i, mine, moment, movie, movie theatre, movie watching, personal, personal space, rest, space, theatre, thought, watching, weird
Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

6 days ago

acting, entertainment, hate, humor, i, irony, movie, observation, watching
Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

6 days ago

asking, both, date, humor, love, movie, question, questions, relationship, watching, woman, women
Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

1 week ago

3-year-old, call, child, distraction, faster, humor, nobody, phone, technology, toddler, video, watching, YouTube
People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

2 weeks ago

6, daily, daily routine, day, entertainment, every, habit, hours, humor, irony, movie, people, phone, phones, routine, screen, screen time, scroll, time, watch, watching, watching habit, wonder

For even more funny watching quotes, hit next 👇

All funny watching quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

68 shares on Slack this month:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

80 shares on X this month:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

75 shares on X this month:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

80 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Just landed via Messenger:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Activity Log ✨

99 Funny watching quotes

More funny watching quotes 👇

All funny watching quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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