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"Drive like no one is watching…but remember, the traffic cameras always are! 🚗👀 Just kidding! But seriously, keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel – safety first! 😄🚦"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

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A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

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I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Just landed via Discord:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Making waves on Twitch:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Just landed via Facebook:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Making waves on WeChat:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Reported on Instagram:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Spotted on WeChat:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

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Drive like no one is watching.

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When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

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Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

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Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

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Drive like no one is watching.

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