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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Seen just now on Threads:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Going viral on Slack:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Just landed via Slack:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Spotted on TikTok:

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

Trending via Telegram:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

2 months ago

0

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic case of adding everything your heart desires into the virtual cart and then suddenly realizing your bank account's limits! It's like a modern-day version of window shopping, except the windows are digital and the laughter is a mix of joy and financial caution. Who knew online shopping could be such a rollercoaster of emotions?

cart, closing, closing tab, everything, habit, humor, laughing, online, online shopping, retail, retail therapy, shopping, shopping habit, subtotal, tab, therapy, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, humor, irony, nostalgia, older, regret, sleep, young, youth
If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

0

2 months ago

Batman, costume, creativity, dress, ever, fashion, humor, i, impress, suit, superhero, thought, told
Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

0

2 months ago

animal, back, caught, feeling, humor, just, lighthearted, miyagi, moth, mr., Mr. Miyagi, nature, outdoor, outside, sent, sent back
When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

0

2 months ago

50, age, body, boy, doctor, eye, humor, i, lazy, lazy eye, me, rest, spread, time, young, young boy
I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

0

2 months ago

before, creativity, expression, fun, going, humor, i, joke, just, lie, literally, love, phrase, pretend, say, saying, something, speech, streets
You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, always, clock, complaints, face, humor, morning, perspective, put, relatable, thing, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Slack this month:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

96 shares on Threads this month:

I am cassette tape years old.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

99 shares on TikTok this month:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,723

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Making waves on X:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Trending via Telegram:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Just landed via Slack:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Spotted on X:

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

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