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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Spotted on Slack:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Shared recently on Twitch:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Just shared via YouTube:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Reported on Discord:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Home » Funny Everything Quotes

125 Funny everything quotes

Funny everything quotes take the chaos of life and wrap it in a big, hilarious bow! 😂🎁 Whether it’s “everything’s fine” during a total meltdown, or trying to do everything at once and succeeding at none, these quotes remind us that *everything* can be funny with the right perspective. Because when life gives you everything… it usually comes with a side of ridiculousness! 😆🔥🤹‍♂️

New funny everything quotes 👇

1 day ago
Share →: “Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Commentary:
Nothing's been okay since I realized recess wasn't a lifelong event 😂🤷‍♂️ #AdultingIsHard
2 days ago
Share →: Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Commentary:
Rocking the "grumpy tour guide" vibe—soon I'll be pointing out where I used to walk uphill both ways! 🚶‍♂️🤨✨
1 week ago
Share →: Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Commentary:
Just what we need, a T-Rex trying to swipe right on our problems 🦖📱😂
1 week ago
Share →: Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic love saga: from "you take my breath away" to "why are you breathing?" 🤦‍♂️❤️
1 week ago
Share →: Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Commentary:
Hannah's name game: double or nothing! 😂✨📚
1 week ago
Share →: Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Commentary:
Adulting is a thrilling balance between achieving next to nothing and accomplishing absolutely everything in two days! 😅🛋️☕
1 week ago
Share →: Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Commentary:
"Mastering the art of solo teamwork! 😅✌️ #TrustIssues101"
2 weeks ago
Share →: “But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Commentary:
"Spilled my drink? 'But it's summer! 😅🍹' Lost an argument? 'But it's summer! 🤷‍♂️☀️' Tripped over my own feet? You guessed it… 'But it's summer! 🕶️👟'"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Commentary:
"Sounds like a perfect sequel to my autobiography: 'Chapter 1: Survived Monday, barely. Conclusion: Happy Friday!' 🎉🙃 #AdultingStruggles"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Commentary:
"When's the award ceremony? I've already prepared my acceptance speech! 🎭😂 #OfficeOscars"

For even more funny everything quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny everything quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Reported on Telegram:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Going viral on Twitch:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Trending via TikTok:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Trending via Twitch:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

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